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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Not only is it not Friday, it’s not even Thursday.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I feel like people just come to the airport to cough.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Petition to change the name of rice cakes to something else as they are 100% rice and 0% cake and I’m tired of all the gaslighting.

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1140 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,302

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

Seen just now on Discord:

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’m sick of living through history!

Making waves on Instagram:

Watching “Dirty Dancing” as a teenager: Damn right, no one puts Baby in a corner. Watching “Dirty Dancing” as an adult: This girl is a brat and needs a lesson.

Trending via Facebook:

Hyphenated. Non-hyphenated. The irony.

Breaking via Slack:

I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

Just landed via Twitch:

Sure I collect antiques, if you count the late-century spices in my pantry.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

Just landed via Facebook:

You didn’t get fired, your job “fumbled you”.

Freshly posted on Slack:

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

16 hours ago

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Commentary:
Sounds like the secret recipe for a successful life: less drama, more pajamas! 😴💼✨

9, advice, before, career, casual, casual dating, dating, going, humor, i, life, life advice, long-term, long-term relationship, recommend, relationship, relationships, sleep

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Bob was hungry. He ripped open a new bag of tortillas only to discover a convenient, resealable opening on the other end.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

I took a pole and found that 100% of people in the tent were angry.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’m going to try and be less of a people pleaser, is everyone ok with that?

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

Going viral on WeChat:

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I hate when I grab a live wire and everyone sees my damn skeleton.

Seen just now on X:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

Going viral on Reddit:

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

Reported on TikTok:

I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

Trending via Pinterest:

I giggle before I go crazy. Gotta start my engine.

Making waves on Reddit:

I put the mess in domestic.

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I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

There’s a Marie Antoinette feeling in the air.

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

Not all works of art are in a museum. I, for example, am lying on the couch at home.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

This is my phone. I text back when I want to.

I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Even at my most evil, I’m considerate.

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

I got confused by all the yard signs, and I think I may have voted for a realtor.

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

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I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

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