Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

The reason most of us stay up late is because we don’t want our free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Jan 7, 2026

3,312

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

Just shared via Facebook:

Adult peer pressure is seeing your neighbor mow his lawn.

Trending via Twitch:

I didn’t expect to have such strong feelings when the subtitles said “smooching” while the actors were kissing.

Live now on Slack:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Going viral on Messenger:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

Making waves on Telegram:

May your life one day be as beautiful as you portray it on social media.

Just shared via Messenger:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

Live now on Pinterest:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Just shared via Slack:

Everyone has that one friend they’ve known for years and still have no idea what they actually do for a living, but it’s too late to ask.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

2 months ago

0

Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like your knee's trying to join the superhero squad with a little extra sparkle! 💥🦵✨ Maybe next time, it'll come with its own glow-in-the-dark badge. 😂🤩 Keep an eye out—your knees might just be planning a light show!

crack, dark, funny injury, glow, humor, humorous, humorous moment, i, injury, joke, just, knee, knee crack, light, light joke, loud, loud sound, moment, noise, physical, physical humor, sound, unexpected, unexpected noise

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

0

2 months ago

alien, call, culture, humor, humorist, i, joke, movie, movie joke, parody, pop, pop culture, sci-fi, term, xenomorph
I just really hope The Weeknd’s real name isn’t Mnday.

0

2 months ago

celebrity, hope, humor, i, joke, just, music, name, real, The Weeknd, Weeknd, wordplay
I’m like a semicolon, most people don’t know what to do with me.

0

4 months ago

confusion, grammar, humor, identity, know, me, misunderstanding, most, people, punctuation, semicolon
Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

0

2 months ago

activity, amusement, barber, celebrate, celebration, chair, fun, fun activity, grooming, hair, hair salon, humor, little, moment, pneumatic, pneumatic chair, relaxation, ride, salon, take
At the plastic surgeon: Please, Doc, help me. My Barbie doll has appendicitis.

0

2 months ago

appendicitis, Barbie, Barbie doll, Doc, doll, help, humor, joke, me, medical, medical humor, plastic, plastic surgeon, plastic surgery, please, surgeon, surgery, toy
I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

0

2 months ago

age, closer, commitment, dating, humor, i, life, life stage, relationship, retirement, single, stage, think

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Reddit this month:

In your twenties, there may be love. It’s very important to ignore this love and pursue a master’s instead.

12 shares on X this month:

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

42 shares on WeChat this month:

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

79 shares on Twitch this month:

Therapy is expensive, getting lost in the woods and never being seen again is free.

33 shares on X this month:

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

10 shares on Discord this month:

Coffee is just goth water.

69 shares on WeChat this month:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

I think something is so beautifully wrong with you.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I stay up late every night, regret it in the morning, and the next day I do it all over again.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My body is a “wonder what happened” land.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

“It gets to a point” is one of my favourite phrases because it literally does get to a point sometimes.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,484

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

They should name a personality disorder after me.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Listen to the birds, not the news.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Nudes are played out. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Checked myself, but unfortunately, after I wrecked myself.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

The gym gives you energy, but you need energy to get to the gym. Feels like a pyramid scheme, if you ask me.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Andrew Tate is what you’d get if Axe body spray gained consciousness.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.

Seen just now on Slack:

They’re making me get out of bed.

Breaking via Threads:

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

Shared recently on X:

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

Making waves on YouTube:

Aside from cocaine, has anyone figured out what that little pocket on your jeans is for?

Freshly posted on Discord:

Unlocking new levels of iron deficiency.

Freshly posted on X:

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

Going bananas on Threads:

Don’t be part of the problem. Be all of it.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴