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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Jan 7, 2026

3,524

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

Maturing is realizing you’re not stable enough to do mushrooms.

Breaking via Pinterest:

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

Going viral on Pinterest:

Unfortunately for everyone, I will keep doing whatever I want.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

Making waves on X:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

Just landed via Reddit:

Being an adult feels like, “If I can just get through this week, I’ll be okay,” but it’s every damn week.

Going bananas on X:

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

2 months ago

0

Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like your knee's trying to join the superhero squad with a little extra sparkle! 💥🦵✨ Maybe next time, it'll come with its own glow-in-the-dark badge. 😂🤩 Keep an eye out—your knees might just be planning a light show!

crack, dark, funny injury, glow, humor, humorous, humorous moment, i, injury, joke, just, knee, knee crack, light, light joke, loud, loud sound, moment, noise, physical, physical humor, sound, unexpected, unexpected noise

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

0

2 months ago

absurdity, baby, cord, cords, cut, exploded, explosion, funny scenario, humor, imagination, scenario, umbilical, umbilical cord, wrong
Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

0

2 months ago

40s, adulthood, aging, changes, favorite, humor, life, life changes, peeler, vegetable, welcome
Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

0

2 months ago

better, even, good, humor, later, life, think, time, today, year
I like to just appear out of nowhere and say, “this looks like a job for a binder clip.”

0

2 months ago

antics, appear, binder, binder clip, clip, humor, i, job, just, looks, nowhere, say, surprise
Microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie.

0

2 months ago

activity, bending, bending over, bungee, bungee jump, funny activity, hair, hair tie, humor, jump, jumping, lightheartedness, microdosing, over, risk, thrill, tie
One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

0

2 months ago

aging, better, car, eyesight, fun, humor, minute, next, stereo, turning, young, youth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on WeChat this month:

Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

40 shares on X this month:

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

32 shares on Threads this month:

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

26 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sorry for levitating at the end of your bed all night, I just think you’re really cute.

31 shares on Twitch this month:

ROMO (relief of missing out)

81 shares on Twitch this month:

Trying to eat with my left hand because I need a little excitement in my life.

41 shares on Slack this month:

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

I want time to watch more films, but I also want time to read more books, but I also want time to look at more nothing.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to be dramatic, but when I accidentally save a file twice and it adds that (1) at the end, it is the worst moment of my life.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Forget hot girl summer, it’s rot girl summer (laying in bed, reading books, laying under layers of soft blankets).

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Thank you for contacting the abyss. Your scream is very important to us.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Need to win the lottery so I can focus on going to museums and working out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,629

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Adulting in 3 words: it’s always something.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Friendly reminder that double negatives are a big no-no.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

“You never reply to messages.” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

Making waves on Facebook:

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

Seen just now on Threads:

I read somewhere that playing white noise helps you sleep better, but I didn’t find country music helpful at all.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Work is the worst video game ever.

Breaking via Reddit:

I’m an adult in the same way that Katy Perry is an astronaut.

Trending via Twitch:

If it doesn’t get a like in the first two years, I delete it.

Trending via X:

I finally became a butterfly, and everyone’s already asking what’s next.

Going viral on WeChat:

Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

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