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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

My favorite pastime is looking for meaning where there is none.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

“You’re so chill.” Thanks, I gave up.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

I’ve decided to handle this like a mature adult, I’m telling your mom.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

A gambler is only called an addict when he loses.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

I love posting my thoughts on the internet. Now they’re your problem.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

When your electric toothbrush dies, it becomes a regular toothbrush. Don’t freak out. Just calm down and remember your training.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Jan 7, 2026

3,469

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

Making waves on Reddit:

If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself. No one likes a braggart.

Going bananas on Messenger:

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

Spotted on Instagram:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

What’s wrong with the people who come to visit on Sundays? Don’t they have a couch?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I wonder if this next thunderstorm is thinking of me, too.

Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

2 months ago

0

Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like your knee's trying to join the superhero squad with a little extra sparkle! 💥🦵✨ Maybe next time, it'll come with its own glow-in-the-dark badge. 😂🤩 Keep an eye out—your knees might just be planning a light show!

crack, dark, funny injury, glow, humor, humorous, humorous moment, i, injury, joke, just, knee, knee crack, light, light joke, loud, loud sound, moment, noise, physical, physical humor, sound, unexpected, unexpected noise

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

0

5 months ago

anxiety, embarrassing, embarrassment, health, humor, mental, mental health, night, night shift, nightmare, nightmares, shift, sleep, stress, why, working
Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

0

2 months ago

baggage, damaged, dating, days, emotional, emotional baggage, everyone, ex, getting, getting to know, going, impossible, know, love, modern, modern love, relationship, single, someone, something
According to the BMI chart, I am too short.

0

4 months ago

am, BMI, body, body image, height, humor, i, image, joke, short, shortness, too
I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

0

2 months ago

casual, chaos, circus, guy, head, humor, laid-back, personality
I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

0

2 months ago

Andropov, day, driver, humor, i, joke, name, Pikup, Russian, Uber
The real threat to Democracy is the Bureaucracy.

0

2 months ago

bureaucracy, democracy, government, humor, irony, politics, real, satire, threat

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Discord this month:

Don’t let anyone tell you, you can’t do something. Show them you can’t.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

How does pasta water know when you’re not looking?

68 shares on X this month:

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

99 shares on Instagram this month:

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

73 shares on Threads this month:

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

38 shares on X this month:

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If there was a pill for procrastination… I’d probably take it tomorrow.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,320

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

All the fruit flies are well-behaved near the garbage, only one is constantly nagging somewhere else because it thinks it has to discover new lands.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Relationship so bad you start relating to Taylor Swift songs.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Most men don’t actually want to do things; they just want to talk about doing them.

Live now on Facebook:

Unfair that the older I get, the clearer photo quality gets.

Making waves on Telegram:

The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

Breaking via Instagram:

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Girl cats get named after ancient goddesses and boy cats get named after Taco Bell menu items.

Trending via Instagram:

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Breaking via Instagram:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

Freshly posted on Slack:

time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.

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