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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Being bilingual means stuttering in both languages.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Salary week, but salary weak.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I’m at an age where, when I’m tying my shoes, I think about what else I can do while I’m down here.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

“You look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,529

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Made it to Friday, but at what cost? Monday is literally in 20 minutes.

Just shared via Discord:

I can’t date until the curse is lifted.

Spotted on Snapchat:

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Snow White and the seven dwarves of the menopause; Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

Just landed via Threads:

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Any porn site that allows comments is instantly funny because, like, why is that there.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’ve been saving these cleavage crumbs just for you babe.

Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Time to solve all my problems with a little retail therapy and a big credit card bill 😅💳💸

another, decision, finance, financial, financial decision, fix, humor, irresponsibility, irresponsible, joke, making, maybe, me, money, personal, personal finance, self-deprecation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

0

2 months ago

activity, beat, costume, course, creative, fun, fun activity, Godzilla, golf, humor, i, miniature, miniature golf, playful, put, quirky, windmill
Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

0

2 months ago

backfire, daily, daily grind, going, grind, humor, irony, job, me, struggle, times, work
People in their 20s be like, “This is my emotional support master’s degree.”

0

2 months ago

20s, adulthood, degree, education, emotional, emotional support, graduate, humor, humor quote, Masters, millennials, people, sarcasm, support
I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

0

2 months ago

awkward, embarrassment, hate, head, hit, hug, i, mirror, self-love, sexy, someone
I think I look pretty okay for my age. It’s just when I hold menus two feet from my face that I know the ruse is up.

0

2 months ago

age, appearance, eyesight, face, feet, hold, humor, i, just, know, menus, okay, pretty, reality, ruse, self-deprecation, think
Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

0

2 months ago

$2.99, entertainment, frustration, humor, irony, movie, rent, service, services, streaming, streaming service, unavailable, unfortunately, want, watch

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again because I have a terrible memory.

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

91 shares on TikTok this month:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

46 shares on Facebook this month:

Working on a laptop outside is an abysmal experience.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

23 shares on X this month:

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

21 shares on Threads this month:

She’s the kind of beautiful that makes me do 40 push-ups in my room at 3am.

56 shares on Reddit this month:

Things went well until the evil supermarket people hid my favorite products in new places.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Check yourself before you Shrek yourself.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Skin coloured leggings should be illegal.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I don’t know which aunty needs to hear this, but focus on your own child.

Spotted on Telegram:

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say, “Don’t waste electricity!”

Seen just now on WeChat:

Why is sugar SO addictive, and broccoli is just like, “I’ll be here when you need me”

Going bananas on Discord:

When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs?

Going bananas on Threads:

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

Breaking via Twitch:

I’ve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but I’ve never been told I’m bad in bed.

Shared recently on Reddit:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

People in their 20s be like, “This is my emotional support master’s degree.”

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

I think I look pretty okay for my age. It’s just when I hold menus two feet from my face that I know the ruse is up.

Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨