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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

I’m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

I read somewhere on the internet that 87% of what you read on the internet isn’t true, and I believe it.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

11 out of 10 women are always right.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

When I say I’m Christmas shopping the “for myself” is silent.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

I think it is mandatory, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

I’ve decided to handle this like a mature adult, I’m telling your mom.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,330

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

When the job market is so bad that you’re going to follow your dreams instead.

Going viral on Discord:

As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

Spotted on Pinterest:

The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

Just shared via Twitch:

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 69 of them.

Going viral on Threads:

Is this art or trash?

Shared recently on Twitch:

Is ice cream for dinner a thing, because ice cream for dinner should be be a thing.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

Seen just now on Twitch:

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant IKEA ball pit.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

A fun thing to do at work is call in sick and stay home.

My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Just signed up for a stretching class—consider it an investment in my future flexibility stock! 🤸‍♀️📈😂

advice, getting, getting older, humor, older, people, person, preparation, prepare, start, stretching, young, young person

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

0

2 months ago

always, cat, complaint, conversation, father, garden, humor, neighbor, okay, running, tell
Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

0

3 months ago

around, attention, communication, humor, life, meeting, meetings, need, please, schedule, try, work, work life
I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

0

2 months ago

boomer, Boomers, ellipsis, everything, feels, gap, generation, generation gap, good, humor, i, style, text, texting, texting style, understand, why
I hate being in that mood where nothing’s really wrong but nothing feels right either.

0

2 months ago

attitude, being, confusion, emotion, feeling, feels, frustration, hate, i, mood, nothing, right, where, wrong
What did people do before alarm clocks? Just go to bed like, “Hope I wake up in time for work tomorrow.”

0

2 weeks ago

alarm, alarm clock, bed, bedtime, before, clock, clocks, hope, humor, i, just, morning, morning routine, people, routine, sleep, time, tomorrow, wake, waking, waking up, work
Hey, you should start your own business and then mind it.

0

2 months ago

advice, business, entrepreneurship, mind, own, should, start

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on WeChat this month:

No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

59 shares on WeChat this month:

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

Women are obsessed with Love Island, but when me and my boys do it in real life, we’re disgusting cheating dogs?

27 shares on TikTok this month:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

48 shares on Slack this month:

Facebook should just go back to being Hot or Not dot com.

94 shares on Threads this month:

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

96 shares on Reddit this month:

Mashed potatoes are just German guacamole.

57 shares on Slack this month:

My mom didn’t raise a fool. Possibly a psycho, but never a fool.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Carrying my phone from room to room like a Victorian woman and her lantern.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Bugs have so many legs to make up for their lack of personality.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Double chins are better than double faces.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Who is this Rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Hey, we’re calling off the search party. We found a different guy out there we like more.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Proverbs are so mean. Like, I don’t deserve any worm because I woke up at 11am? Like, no worm at all?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Why are they called “grammar Nazis” and not “the Gestypo”?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Just shared via Pinterest:

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Any time I throw up, I stare at it like I’m getting a message from the past.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side I’m on?

Just landed via YouTube:

We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

Just landed via Facebook:

I don’t understand people who say “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they never heard of money.

Breaking via TikTok:

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

Making waves on X:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

I hate being in that mood where nothing’s really wrong but nothing feels right either.

What did people do before alarm clocks? Just go to bed like, “Hope I wake up in time for work tomorrow.”

Hey, you should start your own business and then mind it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨