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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Sorry I’m late, my song came on at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Phone so dry, I caught myself checking the weather.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

My hobbies include saying, “I’m so tired,” and then staying up for three more hours doing nothing.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Responding to any and all emails with ‘wow ok’

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

“You’ve changed!” Yeah, I don’t like you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,347

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

Trending via TikTok:

Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

Trending via Snapchat:

Whoever came up with the spelling for “receipt” was an idiopt.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If you say “Excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator, you can usually get a pity laugh.

Making waves on YouTube:

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

Going bananas on Messenger:

The lion does not concern himself with divorce papers.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

Just landed via X:

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

5 months ago

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Commentary:
Parenting: the ultimate extrovert marathon for introverts 🚶‍♂️😅🏃‍♂️🎉

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

0

2 months ago

boys, ceiling, chaos, family, family life, father, humor, know, life, parenting, print, shoe, shoe print, teen
Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

0

2 months ago

always, be kind, fun, humor, interaction, jacuzzi, kind, kindness, know, never, own, ownership, social, social interaction, surprise
Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

0

2 months ago

activity, bar, bar culture, bars, culture, exist, humor, monitoring, should, situation, social, social activity, sports, sports bar
For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

0

2 months ago

always, beauty, Dracula, eyeliner, fashion, goth, guy, humor, joke, makeup, reflection, vampire
If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

0

2 months ago

destroy, dog, dogs, humor, i, life, materialism, money, much, pets, possessions, pretty, same, stuff
I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

0

5 months ago

beach, body, casual, confidence, humor, self-deprecating, summer, vacation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Twitch this month:

You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.

17 shares on Discord this month:

You’d think, with the amount of overthinking I do, I’d make the right decision.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

56 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

22 shares on Discord this month:

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

67 shares on X this month:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

The advantage of being an identical twin: you only need one gym contract.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Female rage is your handbag continuously slipping off your shoulder.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Studies show people who like my posts are happier, smarter, and better looking than those who don’t.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

My life plans are fading like Marty McFly’s family photo.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesn’t mean it.

Just landed via WeChat:

Pouring an ice-cold glass of anxiety.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.

Spreading quickly via X:

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

Shared recently on YouTube:

My washing machine is over here taking load after load, like Bonnie Blue.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

Trending via WhatsApp:

WW3: I can’t fire my weapon unless I first watch a 15-second unskippable ad for Raid Shadow Legends.

Trending via Pinterest:

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

Just landed via Slack:

My ex had this fetish where he would dress up in his own clothes and act like an idiot.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨