If I had a tiny girlfriend, I would love to throw her across gaps so she can pull levers and open doors that get me to her part of the level.

Commentary:
Sounds like a relationship built on trust… and creative problem-solving! 🏋️‍♀️🚀🗝️

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

Commentary:
Dancing along happily in blissful ignorance 🎵🤷‍♂️🎶

I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

Commentary:
As my new coach, Netflix is insisting on a marathon, but I think they misunderstood! 🏃‍♀️🍿📺

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

Commentary:
Time to take online drama to the real-life octagon! 🥊😂📲

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

Commentary:
When your sweatpants start falling apart, it's officially a wardrobe tragedy of epic proportions 😱🩳💔

I love how a film can be life-changing for one person and boring for another.

Commentary:
One person’s cinematic masterpiece is another person's perfect nap opportunity 🎬😴

Maybe the elephant doesn’t want to be addressed, and we should respect their boundaries.

Commentary:
It's time to let the elephant ghost us, trunk calls aren't for everyone! 🐘📵😂

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

Commentary:
Looks like my brain is on vacation mode 🧠🏖️ Silence is golden, right? 😂

Carrying my phone from room to room like a Victorian woman and her lantern.

Commentary:
Trying to avoid ghosts of bad WiFi past! 📱🔦😂

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Commentary:
Out of respect for my wallet, my phone has started ghosting women for me 😂📵💸