Commentary:
Clearly, it's some kind of reverse psychology Jedi mind trick. 🧙♂️🔮😂
I like people who make eye contact like they know something I don’t.
Commentary:
When they give you that gaze, it's either deep wisdom or they remembered where they hid your snacks! 👀😂
This too shall pass. And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never fucking ends.
Commentary:
Just when you think you've reached the end of the bullshit, another chapter drops 🍂📖🔄🤦♂️
Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.
Commentary:
Trying to unlock the mysteries of the universe while spilling cereal everywhere, since forever 😄🍎🥣
The sexiest thing a man can do is have a problem-solving mentality.
Commentary:
When he fixes the Wi-Fi, he's basically Ryan Reynolds 😂📶✨
If social media has taught me anything, it’s that we are all crazy in a different way.
Commentary:
Social media: where everyone's unique flavor of crazy gets a profile pic 🍿😂 #CrazyClub
Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.
Commentary:
Sounds like my schedule is booked with a whole lot of nothing today! 😆🛌✨
“Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.
Commentary:
Naming your kid 'Autophagy' might sound trendy, but imagine their playdate with 'Photosynthesis' and 'Mitosis'! 🌱🤣
Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?
Commentary:
Flying: the only time when sitting in a metal tube at 36,000 feet makes you crave a drink you'd never buy on the ground! ✈️🤷♂️🍅
Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.
Commentary:
Looks like I've found my new designated barker! 🚗🐶🍻