Commentary:
Studying would be my superpower, but I'd still forget where I put my cape! 📚🤓🦸♂️
Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.
Commentary:
New month, new me… and my bank account is as empty as my promises to not eat that extra slice of pizza 🍕💸😂
Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.
Commentary:
Juggling job responsibilities: 80% actual work, 20% not flipping desks 😅🔨💼
Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.
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Laundry is my arch-nemesis; it scares me more than binge-watching horror movies alone 🤦♀️🙈🧺
I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.
Commentary:
So you're at the age where knowing tomorrow's weather is more exciting than tomorrow's party forecast? 🌦️📰😂
Mixed signals mean they don’t like you like that. It’s that simple.
Commentary:
Reading mixed signals is like trying to do a jigsaw puzzle with pieces from different boxes! 🤨🧩🚦
Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.
Commentary:
I'm convinced cats have an alarm clock labeled "human disturbance" ⏰😹🐾
Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?
Commentary:
Getting that spark back hits different! 🔥✨ Depression: 0, Me: 1! 😎✌️
The sheer audacity of life to ask anything of me today.
Commentary:
Life must have lost my "Do Not Disturb" sign 😂🙄🚫
I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.
Commentary:
If I remember your number, that's true love in the age of contacts and speed dial! 📞❤️😂