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Commentary:
"Quitting my job to focus on being in love, because who needs a paycheck when you have unlimited love and poor financial decisions to make? 💕💸 #Priorities"

being, focus, humor, job, love, priorities, quitting, relationship, romance

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

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4 months ago

exercise, going, here, humor, i, just, mouth, procrastination, run, running, talking
When I grow up, I’d like to be a retired lottery winner.

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5 months ago

aspiration, grow, humor, i, ID, lottery, lottery winner, retirement, winner, wish
My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

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3 months ago

again, career, experience, hope, humor, i, job, just, list, never, resume, task, things, work
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

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2 months ago

buy, divorce, fee, happiness, humor, legal, legal fee, money, never, paid, payment, relationship, said
Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

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2 months ago

bag, bag of salad, boxed, boxed wine, comparison, food, food comparison, humor, salad, vegetable, vegetables, wine
They’re selling me on Temu tomorrow.

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2 months ago

humor, joke, me, selling, shopping, Temu, tomorrow

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s with a heavy heart and a deep sadness that I have to announce that I’m at work.

11 shares on YouTube this month:

Social media needs to crash for like a year so society can recalibrate.

95 shares on Reddit this month:

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

33 shares on X this month:

(to the boys in the yard) I hope you brought your own milkshake.

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

SHEIN does entirely too much on their app. Feels like a freaking casino every time you open it.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

44 shares on Twitch this month:

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not “ “?

89 shares on Slack this month:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Oh, sorry about bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to slam my head into the walls anymore.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

Going viral on Threads:

Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.

Trending via Pinterest:

You gotta ask people nowadays, are you single single, mad at your partner single, blocked single or single just in your head.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

Trending via Reddit:

Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

Live now on Reddit:

Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

Making waves on Slack:

I love canceling plans. I didn’t want to go in the first place. I just wanted to be invited.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Quitting my job to focus on being in love.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

When I grow up, I’d like to be a retired lottery winner.

My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

They’re selling me on Temu tomorrow.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨