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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡― has viewed:

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, β€˜Let’s do this.’

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡± has copied:

You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡« has bookmarked:

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡© has downloaded:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ύ has shared:

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦ has copied:

I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¦ has copied:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡¦ has copied:

Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has shared:

I actually love talking to strangers, they will unknowingly say some shit that shifts your perspective, and you never see them again.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡© has bookmarked:

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, β€œI hope there are no emergencies.”

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

356 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,625

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,625

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,560

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’m going to hell in every religion.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.

Just landed via YouTube:

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

Going viral on Telegram:

People at the library need to learn how to be quiet. Some of us are trying to beatbox over here.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Shared recently on Slack:

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

Trending via Slack:

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

Just shared via Pinterest:

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.
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Commentary:
Scooby-Doo: Unmasking villains and real estate scams since 1969! πŸΆπŸ πŸ‘»

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Discord this month:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

Friendly reminder to drink your water and mind your business this week.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

They should have a section on the wing of the plane where people can go out for a cigarette.

66 shares on X this month:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

42 shares on X this month:

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

15 shares on X this month:

I want to be in Metallica, and they will not let me.

23 shares on Instagram this month:

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

23 shares on Slack this month:

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I feel like whoever named them rice cakes has never actually eaten a cake.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

50 shades of single.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The word synergy sounds like a mix of the words sin and energy. Like, to be debauched but to do it with flair and zest.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

356 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,625

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,625

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,469

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡± has bookmarked:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ύ has downloaded:

I think it is mandatory, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡· has downloaded:

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ή has bookmarked:

Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡³ has shared:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡³ has bookmarked:

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡΄ has shared:

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

Well, that’s not very in love with me of you.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going viral on Snapchat:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Making waves on TikTok:

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My first mistake of my life was my birth.

Shared recently on X:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Spotted on Slack:

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

Spotted on YouTube:

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

Making waves on Facebook:

β€œI’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

Live now on Facebook:

They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

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