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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡จ has bookmarked:

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ผ has shared:

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡จ has downloaded:

I need a break from me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ซ has viewed:

Iโ€™ve broken all my New Yearโ€™s Resolutions so now Iโ€™m moving on to laws of nature.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

You need a twins name suggestion? How about Kate and DupliKate?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฌ has shared:

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ด has copied:

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ญ has downloaded:

80% of arguments start because someone hasnโ€™t eaten yet.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

815 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,977

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,977

Updated

10 minutes ago

Users Online

3,443

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just landed via Telegram:

This bouncerโ€™s lucky Iโ€™m with my lady and physically frightened of him or heโ€™d be in a world of pain.

Reported on Facebook:

Iโ€™ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

Just shared via Facebook:

Why are so many people going everywhere whenever I have to go anywhere?

Making waves on X:

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

Making waves on Reddit:

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Making waves on Messenger:

Kettlebells? I thought you said kettle chips.

Spotted on Threads:

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Just shared via Slack:

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

Seen just now on Discord:

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterateโ€ฆ”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.
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Commentary:
"Looks like those spreadsheets were more 'ex-cell' than 'excel'ing! ๐Ÿ“Š๐Ÿ˜… Maybe next time, they'll add up to a better outcome! ๐Ÿ˜‰"

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

815 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,977

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,977

Updated

10 minutes ago

Users Online

3,438

Funny Quotes of the Month ๐Ÿš€

Funny Quotes of the Year โญ

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has downloaded:

I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฏ has viewed:

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ญ has downloaded:

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

And is this โ€œyear-end bonusโ€ in the room with us right now?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has viewed:

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I donโ€™t have to talk to them.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ฏ has shared:

Iโ€™m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ถ has copied:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ต has viewed:

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has bookmarked:

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just shared via X:

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

Making waves on Discord:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

Trending via Snapchat:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.

Spotted on Pinterest:

My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokรฉmon.

Trending via Messenger:

Men used to build castles for women they love, but now they think replying on time is too much effort.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Please do not test me. Iโ€™ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.

Making waves on WeChat:

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

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ยฉ 2025. All fights retarded. ๐Ÿคช

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