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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Just realized John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

This year has gone by so quick. Christmas is basically tomorrow.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Problematic bed time gap relationship.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Sorry it took so long to text you back; my social bandwidth was buffering.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Jan 6, 2026

3,495

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

Freshly posted on Threads:

“You’re a flirt!” God forbid a girl has good communication skills.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

Shared recently on X:

Most puns make me feel numb, but math puns make me feel number.

Seen just now on Threads:

You don’t need a therapist, you need an exorcist.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Sometimes I rock it as a parent, other times I drop my phone on my sleeping child while taking a picture of it. It’s called balance.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Shared recently on X:

Sometimes I feel like I’m cheating on my recliner with my loveseat, in case you were wondering how emotionally invested I am in laziness.

Just shared via Telegram:

Legos are too expensive nowadays. They should go back to costing as much as they did when my parents paid for them.

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

2 months ago

0

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs speed dating when you can merrily hop from plate to plate in the ultimate foodie quest for love? 🍝🍔🍣 Swipe right for the perfect dish, or better yet, a slice of every delicious possibility! Bon appétit and bon amour! 💕🍴"

activity, bite, change, changing, date, dating, eating, every, food, humor, just, me, minutes, restaurant, social, speed, speed date, table, trying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

0

6 months ago

am, black, black sheep, exactly, family, gold, gold star, humor, i, identity, personality, sheep, star, why
Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

0

5 months ago

adult, being, excuse, humor, me, note, procrastination, responsibility, responsible, someone
People should come with warning labels.

0

5 months ago

humor, interaction, label, labels, people, personality, should, social, social interaction, warning, warning label
In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.

0

5 months ago

aisle, baking, baking aisle, baking ingredient, booing, buying, everyone, extract, grocery, grocery store, humor, imitation, imitation vanilla, ingredient, shopping, store, vanilla, vanilla extract
If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

0

2 months ago

communication, date, expectations, held, humor, i, men, only, pick, plans, power, relationships, reservation, reservations, uncertainty, whatever
I swear the air gets heavier around 6 p.m. on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams energy approaching.

0

1 month ago

6, 6 p.m., air, around, call, energy, feel, funny observation, i, meeting, microsoft, Microsoft Teams, observation, p.m., remote, remote work, Sunday, swear, Teams, video, video call, work, work meeting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on TikTok this month:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

27 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

84 shares on Snapchat this month:

Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.

22 shares on X this month:

The only thing worse than a nightmare is waking up from a great dream before you get to see how it ends.

40 shares on X this month:

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

84 shares on WeChat this month:

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

91 shares on TikTok this month:

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

So you like bad boys? Cause I’m bad at everything.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Women always want to marry intelligent men. What they don’t know: Intelligent men don’t want to marry.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so hot here, I’m breaking a sweat just bitching and moaning about it.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,669

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother, and we should respect her.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Told my homie I was “going through it” and he just said “go around it”.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

The thing I bought on Etsy in 2017 has shipped.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Peeling a sweaty sports bra off counts as aerobic exercise, right?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Men want to meet up too easily. What if I plan to sacrifice you?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

Songs discovered from movies are usually a masterpiece.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Being liked at work comes with so many perks, you could be late as hell, and everyone is just happy to see you.

Breaking via X:

Even when I look up the slang of today’s kids, I still have no idea what it means.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

Shared recently on Telegram:

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

Going viral on Instagram:

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Just a reminder that with Die Hard, Robin Hood and Love Actually, ‘Alan Rickman ruins Christmas’ is a whole movie subgenre.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

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