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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Maybe coffee is addicted to me?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

I don’t push people away, I just do the Macarena.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Getting accused of using AI when you didn’t is like this century’s version of a witch allegation.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Maybe her DMs haven’t been working for 2 months.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Nobody ever talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah were walkable cities.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,951

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,951

48 minutes ago

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I have determined there is no quiet way to get a pan out of a cabinet in the morning.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Reported on Messenger:

People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

If history repeats itself, I’m getting a pet dinosaur.

Seen just now on X:

Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

Shared recently on Slack:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

Going viral on Threads:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

Going viral on Discord:

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

6 months ago

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs speed dating when you can merrily hop from plate to plate in the ultimate foodie quest for love? 🍝🍔🍣 Swipe right for the perfect dish, or better yet, a slice of every delicious possibility! Bon appétit and bon amour! 💕🍴"

activity, bite, change, changing, date, dating, eating, every, food, humor, just, me, minutes, restaurant, social, speed, speed date, table, trying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,951

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,951

48 minutes ago

3,422

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Why do Marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what The Powerpuff Girls did in 11 minutes?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

Seen just now on YouTube:

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

Going viral on Reddit:

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

Shared recently on Telegram:

If you shouldn’t go food shopping when you’re hungry, then you should definitely not go clothes shopping when you’re naked. Trust me on this.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

Going viral on X:

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Shared recently on Instagram:

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

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