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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Doing dishes is like fighting a hydra — wash one, and two more appear.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Heyyyyyy (with the worst of intentions).

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,563

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

Just shared via Threads:

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

Making waves on X:

If you love someone, let them sleep.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

2 months ago

0

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, you know what they say, when a blockbuster movie saves the world from aliens, it deserves its own federal holiday! 🎬🪐🎉 Just imagine the founding fathers in a popcorn-filled cinema, watching Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum saving the day – quite the historical moment! 🍿👽🇺🇸 #IndependenceDay2.0

America, believe, celebrate, celebration, day, hit, holiday, humor, independence, Independence Day, irony, movie, still

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

0

2 months ago

exist, hotter, humor, jealousy, me, ok, people, pretty, rude, self-deprecation, younger
If social media has taught me anything, it’s that we are all crazy in a different way.

0

2 months ago

anything, crazy, different, human, human nature, humor, me, media, nature, personality, social, social media, taught
My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

0

2 months ago

adulting, back, borrowing, favorite, finance, humor, money, myself, paying, paying back, personal, personal finance, self
What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

0

2 months ago

activity, blanket, blanket fort, childhood, fort, fun, fun activity, humor, imagination, privacy, safe, safe space, secret, space
It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

0

2 months ago

brain, brains, cognition, forgetfulness, funny observation, humor, irony, memory, observation, remember, something
Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

0

2 months ago

bad, experience, house, humor, i, last, movie, Netflix, night, own, walk, walk out

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Facebook this month:

I love when certain people post their dating app convos, and you get to see what a conversation between two really boring people looks like.

53 shares on Slack this month:

People singing Happy Birthday to you feels like a real-life unskippable ad.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

If you say “Excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator, you can usually get a pity laugh.

36 shares on Twitch this month:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

33 shares on X this month:

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m so single, even my husband won’t match with me on Tinder.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

“I don’t do politics.” Politics will do you, my brother and sister. Politics will do you like mad.

61 shares on X this month:

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

This is the dumbest apocalypse ever.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The main reason for stress is the daily contact with idiots.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Do people exist who manage to wash, dry, fold, and put away their laundry in the same day?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,396

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

When fireworks were invented, it was ‘hisssss’ to ‘wheeeee’ in the making.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Some days you feel like a hotel light. You’re there, but you don’t have enough energy to really do anything.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Your pronouns should be get/help.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Playing dumb for five minutes often saves a lot of work.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

If you ever feel stupid, just remember there are people who forgive cheating.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

All the best memories with my dad start with “Don’t tell your mom about this.”

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Killing with kindness is a murder by compliments.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Normalise following up to an ignored email with “helllooooooo?”

Breaking via Threads:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Just shared via Pinterest:

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

Making waves on Discord:

What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

Making waves on Reddit:

Being gracefully insane is the only way to survive life’s daily bullshit.

Just shared via Messenger:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Just landed via Slack:

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

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