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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

No pre-workout, just flashbacks of stuff I let slide.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I only drink when I people.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Car naps hit different, especially when you are the one driving.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Many people love saying, “Get these away from me,” after eating a few chips.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Do you ever hang out with someone else’s family, and you’re like, ooooh, so this is what it’s supposed to be like?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Just shared via WeChat:

December. A desperate celebration of an end.

Seen just now on Threads:

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I wish I had a friend like me.

Just landed via Threads:

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

Making waves on TikTok:

A good substitute for love and and personal fulfillment is a big bowl of fries.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Spotted on Slack:

Don’t fall in love. It’s bad.

Trending via Facebook:

Waiting until 4:59 p.m. on Fridays to send an email, because any response is Monday’s problem.

That made me feel good. I think I’ll become addicted.

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That made me feel good. I think I’ll become addicted.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the classic gateway to addiction: feeling good. 🤣 Just remember, everything in moderation… especially feeling good! 😜"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Facebook this month:

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

27 shares on Pinterest this month:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

82 shares on Instagram this month:

When people talk about enriching their lives, I assume they’ve found a way to add more cheese.

48 shares on TikTok this month:

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

Harry Potter is sort of crazy. I would have never fought a war for my high school.

20 shares on Twitch this month:

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have mirrors in my house. I mean, who wants to see disappointment everyday?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when kids scream in public. You don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,307

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Aside from cocaine, has anyone figured out what that little pocket on your jeans is for?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Incredibly annoying that exercising, eating right, and drinking water can make you actually feel good.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

So apparently problems don’t go away if you ignore them.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Trending via Facebook:

I need you to put the fun in refund!

Spotted on TikTok:

Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

Seen just now on WeChat:

WhatsApp needs to remove that “this message was deleted” notification. It’s unnecessary drama.

Shared recently on X:

The cool side of the pillow just stole my boyfriend.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

Breaking via Facebook:

That awkward moment when someone you hate is breathing.

Making waves on WeChat:

Drinking a beer alone with terrible posture.

Seen just now on TikTok:

A cheat code to adulting is to always have something to look forward to, no matter how small or big.

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