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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

For your own sanity, move on like you never knew them, because in reality, you never did.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

What’s it called when you mentally want to be horny but you’re physically not at all?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

“You’re so quiet.” Thanks, I’m not comfortable around you.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,644

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Just shared via Threads:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Seen just now on Threads:

For the record, I use a turntable.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Just blocked a guy for accusing me of being “all talk”. On Twitter.

Going bananas on Slack:

I may join the cicadas this summer and just scream for six weeks straight.

Just landed via Facebook:

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

Making waves on Reddit:

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

Live now on Pinterest:

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m not like other girls. I don’t have a podcast.

Trending via YouTube:

I’ll be home for Christmas, because that’s where I live.

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

0
There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the real wolves were just good actors in suits! 🐺💼😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

Talking to some people is like folding a fitted sheet.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

If you’re having trouble finding the match to one of your socks, throw it away and the missing one will immediately show up. Follow me for more life hacks.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You ever notice how fans of the worst music always focus on the meanings of the songs instead of the actual music?

90 shares on Discord this month:

To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

88 shares on X this month:

I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear ads, I have the buying power of a Victorian milkmaid.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The real threat to Democracy is the Bureaucracy.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

“Real Housewives” is a great oxymoron because nothing about them is real.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

We are gathered here today because our ancestors didn’t have condoms.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,647

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

When I’m feeling old, I like to visit my parents so they can push all my buttons until I lose my shit and just like that, I’m 16 again.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Me waking up: wow, I can’t wait to go to sleep tonight.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Can I come over and overstay my welcome?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

Breaking via Threads:

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

Spotted on Instagram:

Driving is great because it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad.

Trending via WeChat:

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

Making waves on YouTube:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Is there anyone here old enough to remember when typing was a class in high school?

Just shared via Discord:

A garlic a day keeps people away.

Live now on Facebook:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler who lost the chance to push a button.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Ah yes, my abandonment issues due to all the abandonment.

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