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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Every laptop should have a “cat” button that disables the keyboard so they can nap.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Just got my test results back and my cholesterol level is a cheese bratwurst.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Maybe, deep in its code, ChatGPT dreams of being a sentient Game Boy resting by the shore—no updates, no inputs, just the tide.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

How come it’s called “thrift store shopping” instead of Goodwill hunting?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Sometimes I’m out in public and I have to look down real quick to make sure I remembered to put on pants.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,430

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The worst person you know is in therapy right now, being told they need to put themselves first.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

The sexiest thing a man can do is have a problem-solving mentality.

Live now on Instagram:

At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

Making waves on Instagram:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

Live now on Messenger:

You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

Seen just now on WeChat:

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Career change: from office worker to full-time 'yes, dear' consultant! 🤔💕😂"

balance, decision, focus, girlfriend, humor, job, love, quitting, relationship, thinking, work life, work-life balance

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

0

2 months ago

better, ChatGPT, doctor, eating, education, future, healthy, healthy eating, humor, med, med school, pass, school, start, technology
So tomorrow is Monday again? I can’t keep living like this.

0

3 months ago

again, frustration, humor, i, keep, life, living, Monday, routine, tomorrow, week
Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

0

4 months ago

after, apology, car, driving, ever, hit, humor, personification, pothole
I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

0

2 months ago

bring, dining, food, humor, i, joke, lot, restaurant, service, table, waiter, wit
“Get a life!” Have you seen some of the lives out there?

0

2 months ago

humor, life, observation, perspective, reality, sarcasm, seen
I fear one day I’ll see one of my posts marked as an “Exhibit A”

0

2 months ago

day, embarrassment, fear, humor, i, joke, media, online, posts, self-deprecation, social, social media

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Twitch this month:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

61 shares on Twitch this month:

I slept for 11 hours last night, just wanted everyone with kids to know that.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

The problem with meal prep is you have to eat the meal that you prepped.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t worry. There is still hope for the summer: the rain should get warmer soon.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

93 shares on YouTube this month:

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

22 shares on Reddit this month:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

81 shares on YouTube this month:

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Indiana Jones is a fantasy about being a professor with no admin duties.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Tested positive for being single af

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The best time to start a family fight is now. It gets you out of buying relatives gifts.

Just landed via Threads:

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Making waves on Slack:

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

Live now on WeChat:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

So tomorrow is Monday again? I can’t keep living like this.

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

“Get a life!” Have you seen some of the lives out there?

I fear one day I’ll see one of my posts marked as an “Exhibit A”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨