Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

I’m homeless. Minus the ‘m’.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I just heard someone refer to Texas as “Howdy Arabia” and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,411

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

I suspect that you don’t lose weight during sport because of the exercise, but because you can’t eat anything during this time.

Just shared via X:

People ask you, “are you crazy”, and then get scared when you answer, “yes”.

Spotted on Instagram:

Get off the internet and go sniff a flower.

Live now on YouTube:

Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

Just landed via Twitch:

Welcome to your 40s. Your bra wins the Oscar for the best actor in a supportive role.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

Going viral on Discord:

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Just landed via WeChat:

Just saw onto the sidelines, they literally have enough footballs for all the players, they’re making them fight over that one for no reason.

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Career change: from office worker to full-time 'yes, dear' consultant! 🤔💕😂"

balance, decision, focus, girlfriend, humor, job, love, quitting, relationship, thinking, work life, work-life balance

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

0

2 months ago

again, Britain, case, catchphrase, clever, forename, hello, humor, i, identity, joke, missed, real, spy, surname, tell
I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

0

2 months ago

accident, boredom, boring, conversation, dead, death, die, drop, going, humor, illness, say, sentence, small, small talk, someone, talk, too
Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

0

2 months ago

adulting, asleep, baby, bottle, concerning, cute, humor, i, irony, sleep
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

0

2 months ago

dying, fitness, health, health nut, hospital, humor, irony, lifestyle, lying, mortality, nothing, nut, sarcasm, someday, stupid
I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, intelligence, interaction, IQ, people, room, room temperature, social, social interaction, talking, temperature
All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

0

2 months ago

artificial, artificial intelligence, humor, intelligence, internet, technology, work, year

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

93 shares on Slack this month:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

43 shares on Instagram this month:

Damn girl, are you a plate of microwaved leftovers? Because you’re hot on the outside and cold on the inside.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

Behind every great tweet is a person rolling their eyes.

18 shares on Pinterest this month:

August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

34 shares on Messenger this month:

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

Eat like your treadmill is watching.

50 shares on Discord this month:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

The trick is to be born in the right place and at the right time. If you mess that up, it gets tedious.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Thoughts more intrusive than a 90s sitcom neighbor.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

Spotted on TikTok:

You know how a dog tilts his head and looks confused when he hears a strange sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel when some people are talking.

Going viral on Telegram:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m so glad when summer is over and I finally don’t have to see any feet on the internet anymore.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.

Just landed via TikTok:

70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.

Just shared via X:

Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

Trending via Instagram:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Trending via Telegram:

No matter how busy my Sunday gets, I always manage to set aside time to panic about Monday.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨