Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Today’s kids don’t even get chicken pox anymore, they go straight to STDs.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Sorry, I can’t come over tonight. I’ve become too invested in these fictional characters and whether or not they will kiss.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Bro, you will never rewatch that 7-minute video you took of fireworks. Just live in the moment.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

You don’t scare me. You’re not a parking garage that I can’t figure out how to get out of.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

Muting morons is good for your health.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

Spotted on Snapchat:

1pm, the perfect time to start doing the work I woke up early to get a jump on.

Spotted on Threads:

Any place is a walkable city if you’re broke enough.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

Going viral on Facebook:

When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.

Just shared via Snapchat:

All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

Going viral on X:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Career change: from office worker to full-time 'yes, dear' consultant! 🤔💕😂"

balance, decision, focus, girlfriend, humor, job, love, quitting, relationship, thinking, work life, work-life balance

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

0

2 months ago

clean, clean house, effort, fitness, having, house, housekeeping, humor, lifestyle, mid-physique, much, work
I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

0

2 months ago

connection, forget, friendship, humor, i, me, people, personality, shy, social
“I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong.

0

2 months ago

awkward, conversation, humor, i, nice, oh, ourself, room, round, say, social, thought, wrong
Best thing about staying in an Airbnb is trying to see what’s in that one locked closet.

0

2 months ago

activity, Airbnb, best, closet, curiosity, fun, fun activity, humor, locked, locked closet, mystery, staying, thing, travel, trying
Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

0

2 months ago

address, communication, email, email address, flirt, humor, identity, internet, line, online, online identity, pickup, pickup line, username
Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

0

2 months ago

aging, getting, gracefully, humor, irony, life, perspective, screaming, steamrolled

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Threads this month:

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

58 shares on Telegram this month:

The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m a private person except for when I’m publicly trauma dumping on social media.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

One minute you’re young and fun, the next you’re excited about a new vacuum cleaner.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Matcha. Dubai chocolate. Jealousy. Green is back in a big way, and likely due to deforestation.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

77 shares on X this month:

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

61 shares on X this month:

Why do my fully charged AirPods deplete at different rates? Do I listen harder out of one ear?

51 shares on X this month:

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Teaching myself ukulele! Neighbor keeping the beat on my wall!

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

My life coach told me I didn’t make the team.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Finally, we’re living through precedented times.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

The crematorium is my last hope for a hot body.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

When I learned the word “literally,” that was the beginning of the end.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

They expect me to work at work.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

He thinks I’m so smart because I read books. Baby, they is FAWKING in these books.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

“I’m currently not accepting new items on my to-do list.”

Shared recently on Slack:

By day I am just a regular loser, by night I am the same loser only it’s nighttime.

Spotted on Reddit:

Hobbies include being misunderstood.

Shared recently on Messenger:

People will scroll on their phones for 6 hours a day and wonder how other people can watch a movie every day.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

Spotted on YouTube:

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

Making waves on Messenger:

Why do guys named Timothy go by Tim when they could go by Moth?

Breaking via Threads:

My friend’s kid asked me if I had any games on phone so I let her text my ex.

Live now on Twitch:

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

“I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong.

Best thing about staying in an Airbnb is trying to see what’s in that one locked closet.

Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨