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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

My toxic trait is when I’m bored, I start looking for flights to book.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I think the most financially irresponsible thing I’ve done is get my kids to like sushi.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

My life plans are fading like Marty McFly’s family photo.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

Spotted on Twitch:

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

Just landed via X:

My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Being in college when The Chainsmokers dropped Closer was an experience to say the least.

Trending via Slack:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

Breaking via Messenger:

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

Breaking via WeChat:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to flirt today.

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, I've seen some intense game nights, but this one might be a bit too much for my heart to handle! 😅🔫🎢

being, chair, danger, frustration, humor, pistol, play, political, political humor, presidency, toddler, watching

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, looking, lose, mind, next, next time, not looking, search, swear, time
Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

0

3 months ago

age, aging, bad, everything, forget, forgetfulness, know, knowledge, memory, old, old age, once, start, time, timing, wisdom
Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

0

2 months ago

annoying, conversation, God, humor, interaction, me, oh, response, sarcasm, ugh, wit, yes
The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

0

2 months ago

day, frustration, handed, humor, i, impatience, joke, left, patience, sarcasm, taking, too, waiting
Sleep hits different when you’re not supposed to be sleeping.

0

2 months ago

different, humor, irony, late, late night, night, rest, sarcasm, sleep, sleeping, wakefulness
I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

0

2 months ago

baby, childhood, downhill, humor, i, self-deprecation, ugly, ugly baby

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on WeChat this month:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

51 shares on Discord this month:

Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

35 shares on Snapchat this month:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Guns N’ Roses: “Welcome to the jungle!” The jungle: “No more humans, please!”

23 shares on Messenger this month:

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

49 shares on Threads this month:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

I’m slowly becoming an adult. Please make it stop.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Dating is so overrated. Let’s just get married.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

According to the BMI chart, I am too short.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

My car is making strange noises but it’s just me singing.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Going viral on Twitch:

Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

Breaking via Twitch:

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I’m not even doomscrolling anymore; I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.

Spotted on Pinterest:

“Overdressed” is a social construct created by hating girls.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

Sleep hits different when you’re not supposed to be sleeping.

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨