Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Breaking news: you’re way less interesting than you think you are.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Social media has dragged humans back into Plato’s cave, and chained them there.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

You come from dust and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,722

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

Just landed via Reddit:

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Spotted on Reddit:

Me gasping and flipping off the vultures as they circle above the running track.

Spotted on Instagram:

I realized being an adult is just feeling too tired to function, and then functioning.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Freshly posted on Threads:

I know stretching every day will help me, but I don’t want to do it.

Making waves on TikTok:

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

Why are conclusions necessary in essays? Were you not following?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Why stop the rollercoaster just when it gets fun? 🎢✍️

conclusion, conclusions, essay, following, humor, necessary, question, why, writing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Even Hotmail is hotter than me.

0

2 months ago

comparison, confidence, Hotmail, hotter, humor, internet, irony, me, personality, self-deprecation
Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

0

2 months ago

chocolate, dark, dark chocolate, diet, diet joke, eating, food, food humor, healthy, healthy eating, humor, joke, vegetable, vegetables
I suffer from awesomnia.

0

2 months ago

awesomnia, comedy, humor, i, insomnia, issues, sleep, sleep issues, wordplay
It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

0

2 months ago

away, cops, escape, humor, introvert, okay, police, run, run away, shy
Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

0

5 months ago

animal, animal behavior, balcony, behavior, cat, emotion, even, explain, human, human emotion, humor, i, jump, owner, pet, pet owner, trying, want, well, why
I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

0

2 months ago

account, anxiety, attack, bank, bank account, financial, financial stress, humor, i, me, money, panic, panic attack, personification, stress, wonder

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Be the spooky thing in the woods that you wish to see in the world.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Nice tweets, bro. What medications are you on?

31 shares on TikTok this month:

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

67 shares on Telegram this month:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

95 shares on X this month:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

58 shares on Reddit this month:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just a few more hours of scrolling, and then I will finally know.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

And for my next trick, I will appear to know what I’m doing.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

Live now on YouTube:

Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

Just shared via Telegram:

Probably the most empowered I’ve ever felt was that time I stuck a fork in a socket.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I love being a girly girl and going to sleep all moisturized, juicy, and soft. Lip balm on. Layering on scents just to beauty rest.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why are conclusions necessary in essays? Were you not following?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Even Hotmail is hotter than me.

Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

I suffer from awesomnia.

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨