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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Imagine thinking you have any clue what’s going on.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Three drinks in and that skateboard outside is looking rideable.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Just a few more hours of scrolling, and then I will finally know.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Of course, I also put my mobile down from time to time. For example, when someone tries to call me.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,264

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Someone at work just farted and I panicked and said ‘compliments to the chef’.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Know what goes good with beer? Another one.

Spotted on Discord:

My handwriting got like five different fonts, depends on my mood and the pen I’m using.

Just shared via Twitch:

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

Making waves on X:

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Paw-sitive affirmation: I'm officially their favorite human! 🐾😂

animal, animal behavior, behavior, culture, little, paw, pet, respect, resting, sign

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

0

2 months ago

bunny, checking, Easter, fun, holiday, humor, i, list, making, me, preference, sleeping, surveillance, tradition, twice, watching
Lost my job to AI (my job was to be loudly and confidently incorrect).

0

3 months ago

AI, automation, confidence, humor, incorrect, irony, job, lost, technology, unemployment
Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

0

2 months ago

age, back, back pain, body, humor, jokes, pain, perspective, relatability, still, young, youth
Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

0

5 months ago

2, awesome, Congress, country, ethic, humor, month, month off, most, people, sarcasm, taking, two week vacation, vacation, week, weeks, where, work, work ethic
It’s the weekend, so naturally, I’m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.

0

5 months ago

48, doing, doing nothing, exhausted, exhaustion, going, hours, humor, laziness, naturally, nothing, relaxation, spend, still, tiredness, weekend
The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

0

2 months ago

activity, around, bed, being, best, fun, fun activity, humor, independence, middle, over, relationships, right, single, sleep, sleeping

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Telegram this month:

An easy way to check if you’re attractive: send a “Hey” DM and see if they reply.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

15 shares on Slack this month:

Forever grateful that thought bubbles aren’t a real thing.

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

68 shares on Reddit this month:

My whole life, I never read a warning label telling me not to eat laundry detergent or put glue in my hair, somehow I just knew.

74 shares on X this month:

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

23 shares on Messenger this month:

I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

51 shares on WeChat this month:

I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

10 shares on Messenger this month:

I have no desire to rekindle anything with anyone. See you never.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my energy?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

I’m not ready to adopt a highway, I can barely raise my own driveway.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

Just landed via Messenger:

Mario Kart gave me unrealistic expectations of how banana peels affect traffic.

Spotted on Reddit:

An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I put the “sexy” in “dyslexic.”

Seen just now on YouTube:

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Broadcasted on X:

Just got my steps in by avoiding someone I know.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Nosferatu implies the existence of a Yesferatu.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Just had a salad but it didn’t make me laugh like women in stock photos.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

Lost my job to AI (my job was to be loudly and confidently incorrect).

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

It’s the weekend, so naturally, I’m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.

The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨