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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

What did parents do before smart phones, hold their babies with two hands or something?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Beer is like the color black: it goes with everything.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

That awkward moment when someone gets angry at you for clicking a pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

God, I wish I had enough money to discover it doesn’t make me happy.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,667

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Just imagine if farting were as contagious as yawning.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

Spotted on Pinterest:

My knight in shining armor comes in liquid form.

Going viral on Messenger:

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

Shared recently on Threads:

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
When you finally spot me, it's like catching a rare Pokémon. 👻👟✨

catching, elusive, ghost, humor, i, me, move, movement, person, personality, rare

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

1 month ago
back, cool, depression, ever, got, growth, health, inspiration, life, mental, mental health, motivation, personal, personal growth, recovery, sex, spark, worst
“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

1 month ago
3, animal, comedy, cow, film, humor, movie, perspective, POV, should, told, Twister
I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

1 month ago
am, exercise, fitness, humor, i, ID, Jesus, life, motivation, out of shape, right, run, shape, someone, today
Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

3 months ago
after, apology, car, driving, ever, hit, humor, personification, pothole
Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

4 months ago
actually, allowed, boundary, excuse, humor, i, just, love, myself, rule, rules, self-control, sorry
Every Microsoft Teams invite you get lowers your testosterone by 1-2%

1 month ago
12, every, humor, invite, meeting, microsoft, productivity, stress, Teams, technology, testosterone, workplace

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

People who pee in the shower, have you thought about peeing before you get in the shower?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside I’m hungry again.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m not gonna have a bad day. The day is gonna have a bad me.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

Making waves on Messenger:

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.

Making waves on Slack:

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

Seen just now on Slack:

Sometime you meet such a prince that you’d rather marry the horse.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

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Activity Log ✨

Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

Every Microsoft Teams invite you get lowers your testosterone by 1-2%

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

Nothing is complicated when you’re simple-minded like me.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

The Christmas tree I’ve had up all year makes a lot more sense now.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

Sometime you meet such a prince that you’d rather marry the horse.

I hate when kids scream in public. You don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming.

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Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

Every Microsoft Teams invite you get lowers your testosterone by 1-2%

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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