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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

What age will I grow out of not answering the door when I’m home and sneaking around the house to find out who’s knocking?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Professor: Most of you won’t pass this course. Me: Cool, so you’re like, real shitty at your job.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I made some bad choices in life, but I never bought a pair of Crocs.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

The art of letting whoever think whatever.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,652

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

Seen just now on X:

Everyone’s gangsta until they spot a double rainbow in the sky.

Going viral on Threads:

My outfit is from Gucci and the body from Ferrero.

Spotted on Threads:

Apparently, staying to yourself and not bothering people bothers people.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Trying to eat with my left hand because I need a little excitement in my life.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

Trending via Messenger:

I won’t rest until a cure for insomnia is found.

Just landed via Discord:

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

44 Funny act quotes

More funny act quotes 👇

I hate it when my pillow is not pillowing like it should. You have one job. Be a pillow man. You are pillow. Act like one!

3 weeks ago

act, comfort, expectation, frustration, hate, humor, i, job, man, pillow, should, sleep
“What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

3 weeks ago

act, alcohol, buy, cigarettes, day, done, humor, i, kindness, random, random act, stranger, teens
My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

3 weeks ago

act, afraid, childhood, creatures, ever, family, humor, kids, monsters, parenting, terrifying
These people act like they’ve never seen anyone wearing a Speedo in a laundromat before.

3 weeks ago

act, awkwardness, clothing, humor, laundromat, never, people, public, Speedo, surprise
Being single is better than asking a man to act like a man.

3 weeks ago

act, asking, being, better, dating, gender, gender role, humor, man, relationship, role, sarcasm, single
People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

3 weeks ago

act, care, humor, i, indifference, people, personality, sarcasm, say
I tried to act normal once, worst five minutes of my life.

3 weeks ago

act, attempt, experience, i, life, minutes, normal, worst
To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

3 weeks ago

act, courage, defiance, gentle, kindness, rebellion, world
I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

3 weeks ago

act, activity, date, girlfriend, i, me, pottery, relationship, reluctance, shit, want
New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

3 weeks ago

2, act, acting, character, cinephile, humor, main, main character, method, method watching, months, movie, new, talk, talking, technique, watch, watching

For even more funny act quotes, hit next 👇

All funny act quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on YouTube this month:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

Any porn site that allows comments is instantly funny because, like, why is that there.

56 shares on X this month:

56 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m broke in Monopoly, and my husband just asked if I want to earn $100.

22 shares on YouTube this month:

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

27 shares on Twitch this month:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

88 shares on YouTube this month:

I am awake and ready to be disappointed.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

15 shares on Threads this month:

iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. Next morning, iPhone: I couldn’t do it, bro. Just didn’t feel right. Vibe was off.

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I’m ready for the exciting last 30 seconds of the basketball game, which stretch into 25 minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Shaking my head like an Etch a Sketch to get my thoughts right.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

No matter how weird things seem to get, there’s always an episode of The Twilight Zone that was eerily similar.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Is stir-fry the only dish where the instructions are in the name?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

Just shared via Instagram:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

If it doesn’t get a like in the first two years, I delete it.

Just landed via Twitch:

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

A weekend in a log cabin with a hot tub sounds perfect right now.

Making waves on YouTube:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

Going viral on TikTok:

You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

Just shared via X:

Why are there people outside at the same time as me? It’s my turn.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I always stop the microwave before it beeps because it’s not the boss of me.

Activity Log ✨

44 Funny act quotes

More funny act quotes 👇

All funny act quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨