Commentary:
Ah, the paradox of life—turns out my favorite spa session is also a sabotage mission for my hair! 🚿😱💁♀️
178 Funny actually quotes
There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.
Commentary:
Is this the day I find out my friend is secretly a superhero or just really good at coffee runs? 🦸♀️☕️👔
Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying.
Commentary:
Just trying to save everyone some creative writing time 😂📝💔
Sometimes I wonder if the strangers I see when I go outside are actually the people I talk to online.
Commentary:
Having an existential crisis every time I step outside: Are you my online buddies or just NPCs? 🤔🤖👀
When you realize a 9 to 5 is actually an 8 to 7, since you cannot teleport to work.
Commentary:
"Oh, I see why they call it a 'work day' and not a 'work moment' 😂⏰🚗"
Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.
Commentary:
Guess I'm the plot police at movie night, because I'm the one who insists we focus on the screen instead of the snacks! 🍿🎬👀
The lion is actually pretty concerned right now.
Commentary:
Sounds like the lion just checked its inbox after vacation! 🦁📧😅
Spotify Wrapped has a special talent for pulling up an artist I’ve literally never heard of and telling me I actually listen to them 2,000 times per day.
Commentary:
Just found out I listen to a band called "Who Even Are These Guys" more than I breathe! 🎧🤔😂
Monetizing Twitter was actually the worst thing to happen to this app. Everybody rage-baiting for 23 cents.
Commentary:
Who knew the Twitter bird would lay golden eggs worth less than a vending machine snack? 🐦💰😆
Dating a smart man, so I actually can turn my brain off when he is around.
Commentary:
When he's around, my brain's on vacation mode! 🏖️🧠😜