Commentary:
Looks like my bank account's in stealth mode for the holidays! 🎅💸😂
300 Funny everyone quotes
Shoutout to everyone who remembers their childhood landline number but can’t recall the password they made yesterday. You’re my people.
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Ah, the good old landline days—where the only password we needed was not picking up during dinner! 📞🤔😂
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
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Feeling uniquely ordinary 😂🤷♂️ #SpecialJustLikeYou 🌟
Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.
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When you're surrounded by word vomit and forgot your umbrella! 🤦♂️🤷♀️💬💩
“Nah.” – everyone with an office job, from the Monday after Thanksgiving until January 2nd.
Commentary:
This is the seasonal nap Olympics, and my productivity just won the gold medal in "Best Couch Potato" 🥇🛋️😴
Asian girl at tech company: Wow, everyone here is so friendly.
Commentary:
Looks like there's finally a bug that everyone agrees is a feature! 😂👩💻✨
I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.
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Just when I thought I cracked the code to self-confidence, my brain goes, "Plot twist!" 🤔😂 #TrustIssues
I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.
Commentary:
Seems like the world needs a group hug—and maybe a few extra puppies for good measure! 🐶💖😄
Nobody bools anymore. In high school, everyone was booling.
Commentary:
Sounds like high school was a bool-dozer! 🚜🤣 Who knew adulthood meant less bool and more adulting? 🤔💼
Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up for a while?
Commentary:
Is it too much to ask for some "silent mode" on extroverts? Asking for a friend… 🤫🎤😄