Commentary:
"Weekend fun: mastering the art of 'grocery cart drifting' and 'laundry Olympics'! 🛒🥇😂"
400 Funny going quotes
If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”
Commentary:
"When you're late but bribery is baked into your plan 🍰🕒😅 #CroissantDiplomacy"
Going to the beach is 99% getting ready for the beach and 1% enjoying the beach.
…
Commentary:
"That 1% is just me realizing I forgot sunscreen! 😂🌞🏖️ #BeachFail"
At the end of the day, the day is going to end.
Commentary:
"When you're trying to sound deep but just discovered how time works. 😅⏳ #DeepThoughts"
Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.
Commentary:
"Twins who missed the memo on matching outfits 😂👯♂️ Should've scheduled that arrival time better! ⏰"
I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.
Commentary:
Streets be spillin' the tea I just brewed ☕️🤫😂
There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.
Commentary:
"Time to upgrade from 4 wheels to 8 legs! 🕷️🚗💸"
Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?
Commentary:
"Because even birds know it's never too early for a wild party! 🎉🐦🍎"
Humans are just chaos wrapped in meat, going bananas on caffeine.
Commentary:
"Basically, we're all just jittery meat tornadoes powered by beans! ☕🍌😂"
I live in constant fear that some douchebag is going to show up to a bonfire with a guitar.
Commentary:
"Nothing like the sound of 'Wonderwall' to put out the fire! 🎸🔥🙄"