Commentary:
Guess I was half asleep when I first heard that! 🐄😂
49 Funny half quotes
I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.
Commentary:
"Applying for jobs with a *tear*-rific twist! 😂👕💪 #HulkHoganInTheOffice"
I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.
Commentary:
"When life gives you grapefruits, swap them for pancakes! 🥞😂 #GrapefruitGoals #TeamPancakes"
I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.
Commentary:
"Same here! I think I left my glass in the Twilight Zone. 🍷🤦♂️ #LostAndThirsty"
I am convinced that at least half of you are bots.
Commentary:
"Plot twist: the bots are better at small talk than I am! 🤖😅 #BotLife"
The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.
Commentary:
"When life gives you lemons, make sure you know where the bathroom is! 🍋🚽😄"
If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.
Commentary:
"Patience is a virtue when waiting for a woman to get ready! Remember, she's creating a masterpiece, not just getting dressed 😉⏳ #TimelessBeauty"
My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.
Commentary:
"Looks like his wife sees the glass half empty… or in this case, the bottle half empty! 🍷😂 Maybe he should try a 'glass half full' approach next time!"
Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.
Commentary:
"Handle spaghetti with care – you never know how many Nonnas out there are silently gasping! 🍝⚡😂 #FoodieFauxPas"
Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”
Commentary:
🥪🏃♂️ "Starting the second half of your sandwich is like a rematch with your taste buds! Hell yeah, baby, let's run it back and show that sandwich who's boss! 💪😂"