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Oh, the irony! My eyeball just filed a complaint! 👀😂
219 Funny having quotes
Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.
Commentary:
When your day took a gap year and never came back 😂🕒📅
The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.
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Who needs Santa when your memory makes every day a surprise gift? 🎅🎁🤔
Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.
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It’s all fun and games until the bank knows you too well: "Did you really need 37 cat-themed mugs?" 🐱🛒📞
I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.
Commentary:
When did I sign up for a lifetime subscription to this needy biological Tamagotchi? 🙄🛁🍽️💤
Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.
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Life's plot twists: achieving that squeaky clean just to… backslide 😅🚿💩
Having a crush should be considered a form of self-harm.
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Crushing hard: the only exercise that guarantees a ton of feelings and zero calories. 💔🤦♂️😆
Having a crush as an adult is soooo embarrassing. I’m literally too old for this. I’m gonna learn how to forge a sword.
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Acting like a medieval knight might just be the only logical next step in adulting! 🏰⚔️😂
Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.
Commentary:
Living the dream, sounds like a real nightmare! 😂😎
Having a mom who cooks good food is such a big flex.
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Mom's kitchen is the only place where calories don't count and love is the secret ingredient! 🍳❤️🤣