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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

I love sleeping so much that it is the first thing I think about when I wake up.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Where do you see yourself five beers from now? What’s your five-beer plan?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Is this art or trash?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Dear Santa, Money!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,348

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on TikTok:

Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

Making waves on X:

Why do people always assume it’s a compliment when I tell them their baby looks just like them?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

My toxic trait is binging a show too fast, then getting sad when I have nothing to watch.

Making waves on YouTube:

I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Just shared via Instagram:

Acting jealous while secretly cheating is a pure talent of witchcraft.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m attracted to people that no one pays attention to.

Going viral on Messenger:

When you say “You’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.

Trending via WeChat:

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

403 Funny health quotes

More funny health quotes 👇

My immune system told me it’s a lover not a fighter.

3 weeks ago

fighter, health, humor, immune, immune system, lover, me, personality, system
I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

3 weeks ago

dinner, food, health, night, pizza
Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

3 weeks ago

boss, defeat, final, health, humor, i, jokes, life, mental, mental health, same, self-improvement, therapist, therapy, thing, trainwreck
My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

3 weeks ago

chalazion, doctor, eye, eye doctor, eye health, health, hordoleum, humor, medical, medical humor, Pokémon, young, young doctor
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

3 weeks ago

book, careful, caution, death, die, health, health book, humor, irony, life, misprint, reading
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

3 weeks ago

carefree, cholesterol, drive, driving, fast, health, humor, i, irony, lifestyle, risk, speed, worry
The subtle art of letting yourself go crazy once in a while.

3 weeks ago

art, care, crazy, health, humor, letting, letting go, mental, mental health, once, relaxation, relief, self, self-care, stress, stress relief, subtle, while, yourself
Really love how dancing alone in your room can literally save your life.

3 weeks ago

alone, care, coping, coping mechanism, dancing, health, humor, life, literally, love, mechanism, mental, mental health, room, save, save life, self, self-care
Unlocking new levels of iron deficiency.

3 weeks ago

anemia, deficiency, health, humor, iron, iron deficiency, joke, levels, new, nutrition
Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

3 weeks ago

commute, health, mental, mental health, money, paid, public, public transport, saved, saving, stress, time, transport, transportation, Uber, using

For even more funny health quotes, hit next 👇

All funny health quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Slack this month:

Living la vida taco!

69 shares on Threads this month:

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

26 shares on X this month:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

OK, just so everybody’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

36 shares on Messenger this month:

The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

70 shares on Messenger this month:

But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?

94 shares on WeChat this month:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have some fart jokes I’ve been holding in.

98 shares on Threads this month:

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

All I’m saying is that at first I am shy and then I become a podcast.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

New COVID variant subscribes you to random podcasts.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

You can generate images with your mind whenever you want. You don’t even need AI.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

Broadcasted on Discord:

The 69 obsession turning into 67 is a recession indicator.

Broadcasted on X:

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

My favorite color is sunshine.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Nobody lures you into a gingerbread house in the forest anymore.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Breaking via Instagram:

Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

Just landed via Slack:

Right before rock bottom, you’ll have a city builder game on your phone.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

Freshly posted on Discord:

All I do is go to work, come home, blink and suddenly I’m back at work.

Activity Log ✨

403 Funny health quotes

More funny health quotes 👇

All funny health quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨