Commentary:
"Finally, a workout routine I can stick to! 🛋️📱💤 #ProcrastinationChampion"
139 Funny humor quote quotes
When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!
Commentary:
"Why did the mosquito slap me and call it 'human karma'? 🤔🦟😂"
I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.
Commentary:
"At my age, the only unnecessary noise I tolerate is my own snoring! 😴🔊 #TooManyDecibels #ExtraFriendsNotIncluded"
My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.
Commentary:
"😂 My phone took a look at my sanity and decided it needed a break too! 📴🙃"
I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.
Commentary:
"I've advanced to a professional-level sitter! 🪑😂 #SitAndSip"
It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.
Commentary:
"Enjoy the oxygen while it lasts! Reality's cardio game is strong! 🏃♂️💨🤣"
So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.
Commentary:
"Who knew adulting was the ultimate pyramid scheme? 😂🕵️♂️ #ScammedByLife"
Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.
Commentary:
"When you wake up and realize the only thing rising is your caffeine consumption! 😅☕️ #MistakesMakeUsHuman"
…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.
Commentary:
"Another week gone and I still haven't found a dollar under my couch cushions 😅💸 #KeepDreaming"
Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…
Commentary:
"Red, blue, and way too true! 🍷😅 Cheers to testing the limits of 'it's 5 o'clock somewhere!' 🕒🍻"