Commentary:
Whoop there it is! 🎶 Just dropping a beat and some laughs! 😂🎉
5670 Funny i quotes
I always imagined WWIII would be Earth vs. aliens.
Commentary:
Looks like the aliens heard we're terrible at group projects and decided to skip us! 🛸😂🌍
I got a lot of Jedi advice for somebody who could be turned to the dark side by moderate traffic.
Commentary:
Looks like I could use a GPS with the Force to navigate rush hour! 😂🚦✨
I actually love talking to strangers, they will unknowingly say some shit that shifts your perspective, and you never see them again.
Commentary:
Strangers: the surprise piñatas of perspective shifts 🎉🤔✨
I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.
Commentary:
Trying to shock Gordon Ramsay with my culinary restraint! 😅🔪🥣
Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.
Commentary:
I totally get it! Those hand dryers are more skeptical of my existence than my cat when I try to feed her something new. 🙆♂️🌀🐱
I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.
Commentary:
Sounds like a major plot twist in the mirror-verse! 😂🪞🙈
I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.
Commentary:
Well, if kindness doesn't end them, maybe your cooking will! 😂🍽️❤️
That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.
Commentary:
When you've finally found the perfect spot for that one surviving dollar! 💸👖🤣
I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.
Commentary:
Can't a person parallel park without an audience? It’s like they're judging my reverse Oscars performance 😅🚗🎭