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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

They’re releasing another “Jurassic” movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I’ve started eating healthier and exercising if you’re wondering why I’m in such a crappy mood all of a sudden.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Icarus loved hot wings.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Rappers be making you feel guilty for no reason at all: “You was in the house eating dinner while I was in the streets hungry”. Like my fault, bro.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

I hate when I’m trying to spell a word, and my phone can’t do it either.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Better to be a wolf that everyone hates, than a donkey that everyone rides.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,774

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Going down a rabbit hole if anyone wants anything.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

Just landed via Messenger:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

Spotted on Facebook:

When gearing up for a mountain climbing adventure it is important to remember to no.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I wish rage burned calories. I would be so skinny.

Spotted on Slack:

The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the objects and furniture in the house are in the correct place.

Funny joint quotes

Funny joint quotes add a playful twist to the world of marijuana culture. 🌿😄 From witty remarks about rolling and smoking to humorous observations on the high life, these quotes celebrate the lighter side of enjoying a joint. Enjoy a laugh and embrace the fun in cannabis culture! 😂🍃

New funny joint quotes 👇

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

4 weeks ago

ankle, anything, high, humor, injury, joint, just, pun
Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation.

1 month ago

40, area, curiosity, dating, hot, hot single, humor, inflammation, joint, joint pain, over, over 40, pain, single, singles
My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”

1 month ago

account, always, bank, bank account, dishwasher, humor, joint, kitchen, me, relationship, something, trust, walks, wife
People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.

1 month ago

absurdity, big, food, food sharing, humor, i, joint, minute, norms, pass, people, sandwich, sharing, social, social norms, someone, Subway, weirdo
I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

1 month ago

account, bank, couple, humor, i, joint, joint bank account, kind, know, marriage, money, relationship, sex, want
Thank God they have medical marijuana in this state. I need it for my joints.

1 month ago

God, gratitude, humor, i, joint, joints, law, marijuana, medical, medical marijuana, need, pain, pain relief, relief, state, state law, thanks

All funny joint quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Slack this month:

If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

81 shares on Telegram this month:

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

They should invent a day where it all makes sense.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

37 shares on Slack this month:

My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

95 shares on Threads this month:

How many of y’all are “burn a CD” and “lime wire” old?

99 shares on Slack this month:

If you give a man a fish, that fish is basically gone. Way to lose your fish.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m quitting my job to do topless tarot readings on the beach.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is short, flirt with me!

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

To be happy as a man, you simply need to replace your screen time with beautiful women time.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so hungry, I could eat a full-time job with health insurance.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Leaving my apartment for two weeks, but leaving a single cup in the sink as a gesture to continuity upon my return.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,710

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I think I look pretty okay for my age. It’s just when I hold menus two feet from my face that I know the ruse is up.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Life isn’t funny, why should my posts be?

Just shared via YouTube:

Pesto is just an Italian word that means “produced by pounding”, so in a way we are all pesto.

Just shared via YouTube:

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Bought a pair of night vision goggles so that I can easily find the fridge at night without waking my wife.

Making waves on Facebook:

All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet.

Making waves on Slack:

Weddings should have a worst man.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Leaving out milk and cookies for Santa is literally making an offering to a deity.

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