Wordgag ツ

Jan 25, 2025
Share →: When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

Commentary:
"Saving myself for marriage… or just saving you from discovering my true level of annoyance 🤷‍♀️💍 Beware, the surprise awaits! 😂 #KeepingItReal"
Jan 25, 2025
Share →: I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

Commentary:
🚗💨 "I drive home faster than my delivery food on a Friday night! Gotta outpace the chickens waiting for me like I'm late for the house. Speed racer mode: activated! 🏁😂"
Jan 25, 2025
Share →: I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Commentary:
"Talk about bad luck! 😂 Bet living in a palace beats dealing with capitalism any day. 🏰☀️ #FirstWorldProblems"
Jan 24, 2025
Share →: Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Commentary:
"Who needs a bed when you have a burrito guy who's also a pro tucker? 🌯💤 Just imagine the ultimate bedtime routine: burrito delivery, tuck-in service, and maybe a side of salsa for those spicy dreams! 🌶️😄 #SleepGoals"
Jan 24, 2025
Share →: Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

Commentary:
"No worries, better late than unemployed, right? 😂 Here's to multitasking at its finest! 🕒💼 #JobHuntingPro"
Jan 23, 2025
Share →: I called the cops on my own party once because I was ready to go to bed.

Commentary:
"Who needs alarm clocks when you have a responsible host like this? 🚔💤 #PartyPooped"
Jan 23, 2025
Share →: There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

Commentary:
"Ah, the Holy Trinity of life's certainties: death, taxes, and the oddly reliable appearance of the world's slowest driver just when you're in a rush 🚗⏰. It's like they have a secret GPS tracker tuned into your stress levels!"
Jan 23, 2025
Share →: If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

Commentary:
"Why is there a light in the fridge if we're not supposed to snack late at night? 🤔 Maybe it's there to spotlight our midnight cravings and illuminate the path to temptation! 🌟🍕 Who needs self-control when you have a fridge light guiding the way to deliciousness? 😂 #LateNightSnackAttacks"
Jan 23, 2025
Share →: Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

Commentary:
"No worries, time travel can be a bit tricky 🕰️😂 Who knew scrolling through history could be so time-consuming? 📜⏳ #BetterLateThanNever"
Jan 22, 2025
Share →: Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

Commentary:
"Ah, the thrilling saga of traffic strikes again! 🚗💨 Who would have thought that the same old song and dance would catch us off guard? Time to add 'predicting traffic patterns' to our resume! 😅⏰ #SameTrafficDifferentDay"