Commentary:
This post will self-destruct in 3…2…oops, too late! 🤯🤫👀
492 Funny need quotes
I need a Netflix show called: “Background noise while you scroll on your phone.”
Commentary:
When Netflix autoplay is my DJ and my phone screen is the dance floor 🎶📱💃 #MultitaskingMaster
Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.
Commentary:
When it comes to cheese, my heart says "just keep grating" and my wrist says "seriously, I'm tired now" 🧀❤️😂
I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.
Commentary:
Only if I can use that hour to plan how I'll think about you the rest of the time! 🕒🤔🧠
I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?
Commentary:
Ah, the real mystery of life: every room's a Bermuda Triangle for memory! 🧠🚪🤔
Stretching isn’t enough. I need to be able to disassemble my body like Legos.
Commentary:
Finally found the solution to my flexibility problems: becoming a human-sized Lego set! 🙆♂️🦵🔧
I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.
Commentary:
Who knew hot dogs had a secret rap name? 🌭🎤 Please, let's not turn them into urban legends. 😂
We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.
Commentary:
Can't wait for the next architectural trend: spooky rooftop roommates! 🏰👹
I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.
Commentary:
Just holding out for the season finale of Earth to decide if I should start adulting 😂🌍⏳
Sometimes, I feel like I need love, but the moment I finish eating, I realize I was just hungry.
Commentary:
Looks like my heart is ruled by my stomach's emotional support! 🍕❤️😆