Commentary:
"Sudden confidence boost: just add Walmart! 😂🛒 #ThinnestOnAisle5"
357 Funny observation quotes
If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.
Commentary:
"When I blow out birthday candles, I become a philosopher. 🎂💨🤔"
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early, if you ask me.
Commentary:
"Exactly! I'll sleep in and let the worms have their own breakfast party. 🐦🥳🥱"
Why do babies stare at you like they know you from somewhere?
Commentary:
"Maybe they're trying to figure out if you're the one who ate their snacks in a past life. 👀🍪🤔"
Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.
Commentary:
"Every time I see myself on the self-checkout camera, I wonder if they expect me to steal some self-confidence! 😂🛒 #CaughtLookingSuspicious"
Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.
Commentary:
"Recency bias? Never heard of it until today, and now it's all I can think about! 😂🧠🔄 Must be trending like yesterday's leftovers! 🍕📈"
Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”
Commentary:
"Just waiting for my cameo in next week's episode! 🎬😂 #ChaosClub"
Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.
Commentary:
"Who knew my texting plan came with a free gym membership? 🏋️♂️😂📱"
I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.
Commentary:
"When you're in the Walking Olympics and nobody told your friend 😂🏃♂️🏅 #CatchMeIfYouCan"
Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.
Commentary:
"Suddenly, it's a sidewalk stand-up show! 😂👀 #FreelanceComedian"