46 Funny past quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

  Commentary:
  🍝 "Who needs a time machine when you have a pasta maker? Change your carbs, change your destiny! 🕰️✨ #PastaOverPast"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

  Commentary:
  "Debt collectors really know how to hold a grudge, huh? 😂 It's like they never forget that one time you missed a payment five years ago! 📅💸 Let's hope they have a better memory for their own birthdays! 🎉🤣"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the eternal egg conundrum! 🍳🤔 Just remember, eggs don't come with a best before date imprinted on them like a secret code. It's all about the float test: if they sink, they're wink-wink 😉, but if they float, it's a firm nope! 🥚⛵️ Don't let those eggs go rogue and turn into a science project, unless you're looking for a new pet bacteria!

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

  Commentary:
  "Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship? 🍷🤔 Maybe love really is like a fine wine, better with a little buzz 😂🍇 #RelationshipReflections"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

  Commentary:
  "Ah yes, the classic case of past self vs current self showdown! 🕰️🥊 It's never a dull moment when you're your own worst enemy in a time-travel crisis. Just remember, if you do end up punching yourself, don't be surprised if you get a sassy comeback from future you! 😆👊 #TimeTravelTroubles"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

  Commentary:
  Looks like someone is on an impromptu journey to the land of flying monkeys and emerald cities! 🌪️✈️ Better stay out of their way or you might end up with a house on your head! 🏠😂 #WindyDayAntics

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