Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

A fun thing to do at work is call in sick and stay home.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

We seriously need to bring back courting. What the hell is ‘wyd tonight?’ Arrive on a horse and bring flowers like a man.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,612

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

Trending via Reddit:

Don’t worry, baby, the back pain is because your wings are growing.

Trending via Twitch:

I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

Trending via Reddit:

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Going viral on Reddit:

Gang members are so lucky to have something to do with their hands in photos.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

Seen just now on Discord:

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

Just landed via Facebook:

Every Stranger Things scene is just a guy in a wig being like, ‘We have to stop them.’

Breaking via X:

What’s your favorite song about a white boy playing funky music?

22 Funny plant quotes

Funny plant quotes 🌿 bring a burst of laughter to your green corner! Whether you’re a proud plant parent or just love a good pun 🌱, these quirky sayings will brighten your day and keep your garden vibes light and lively. Perfect for sharing with fellow plant lovers or adding a splash of humor to your home 🌸, get ready to grow giggles alongside your greenery! 😂🌵

New funny plant quotes 👇

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

1 day ago

bot, bots, communication, conversation, fine, humor, just, listen, listening, plant, plants, talk, why
Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

1 day ago

activity, gardening, hobby, leisure, leisure activity, plant, plants, watering
I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

1 day ago

excuse, gardening, helping, humor, i, joke, lie, me, plant, plants, relationship, repot, sex
Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

2 months ago

aging, cherry, cherry tomato, dream, dream job, fun, gardening, getting, goal, goals, grow, growing, growing plant, humor, job, land, life, life goal, older, plant, success, things, tomato, transition
Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

2 months ago

baby, baby talk, hate, here, humor, imagine, just, me, over, plant, plants, talk, talking
Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

2 months ago

appointment, chores, cleaning, dentist, dentist appointment, humor, i, kitchen, laundry, making, plant, procrastination, saw, watered
I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

2 months ago

excuse, humor, i, plant, plants, procrastination, war, water, watering
Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

2 months ago

air, difference, fresh, fresh air, health, humor, humor quote, nature, outdoors, plant, plants, self-care, sound, sunlight, well-being
Establish dominance by eating a salad in front of your indoor plants.

2 months ago

confidence, dominance, eating, front, humor, indoor, indoor plant, joke, nature, plant, plants, playful, quirky, salad
My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

2 months ago

direction, drunk, gardening, growing, humor, nature, plant, silliness

For even more funny plant quotes, hit next 👇

All funny plant quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t need your flipping advice, I am capable of ruining my life on my own.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

New York is so awesome. Like, yes, let’s spend $108 for breakfast and walk past homeless people freezing.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

88 shares on Pinterest this month:

11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

63 shares on Twitch this month:

Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Gimme coffee or I’ll sleep amok!

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If it weren’t for the last minute, I’d never do anything.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I have never seen a sad person sliding down a water slide.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The words I can’t wait to hear someday, “I’m sorry, Mom, you were right about everything.”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Public transportation is great, but they should invent a type where it’s only me in the vehicle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,688

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Doesn’t matter if the chicken or the egg came first. Still a weird thing to just appear.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Every laptop should have a “cat” button that disables the keyboard so they can nap.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Menstruation is bizarre. It’s like something David Lynch would have came up with.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Wild Friday night, and by wild, I mean me and the other psychopaths at the gym.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Men can be sorted into two camps: the ones who get haircuts way before they need them, and the ones who wait until people in their lives are complaining.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

It’s cute when kids say what they want to be when they grow up. You’re gonna write emails on the computer, buddy.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

The 69 obsession turning into 67 is a recession indicator.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Deleted all my dating apps. I’m ready to find the love of my life in World of Warcraft.

Trending via Reddit:

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.

Trending via Pinterest:

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

The sound of a buzzing fly is enough to ruin my whole mood.

Shared recently on Instagram:

The greatest trick ever was making people feel more connected, when they are actually more alone than ever.

Just landed via Telegram:

Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

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