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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

That one friend who has a dangerously loose grasp on food safety.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

I love when dudes are named Guy. Like, yeah. Exactly.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

You didn’t get fired, your job “fumbled you”.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,577

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

No one ever talks about the 6th love language (being annoying).

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

Just shared via TikTok:

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

Freshly posted on Threads:

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

Just shared via TikTok:

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

Just landed via Messenger:

Once I find a dragon, y’all are toast.

Going bananas on X:

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.

Just landed via TikTok:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Why do babies cry when they are tired? Like, just go to sleep, bro, no one is stopping you.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on YouTube this month:

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

43 shares on Instagram this month:

I should’ve existed as a tree.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

I think I’ll just let my jazz hands speak for themselves.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

They should invent a person for me and me only.

76 shares on X this month:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Sorry, I had to cancel plans. The prophecy said so.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m just a girl looking for another snack.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I fear one day I’ll see one of my posts marked as an “Exhibit A”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Banks: You are broke, so we are going to charge you for being broke.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Wednesday is the part of the novel where the heroine stares out the window and questions everything.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Babe, would it kill you to meow back?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

When the gun shoots your brain, that’s amore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,572

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

There’s really nothing as pathetic as watching a sad little man argue with Grok in hopes of manipulating the conversation to get an answer he wants.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Golf is a great way to learn all of the new curse words your subconscious has been cooking up in the lab.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Rock bottom should give me free sandwich and coffee for how often I hit it.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

You should be able to google what someone said to you at the bar last night.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

Seen just now on Twitch:

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

Making waves on X:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I’m addicted to following the rules I made up. And also breaking the rules I made up.

Shared recently on Telegram:

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

Freshly posted on X:

Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we don’t trust.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Imagine if all the money spent on AI was spent on trains.

Trending via Pinterest:

(To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

Making waves on Instagram:

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

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