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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Stop bothering me, or I will inform you of a behavioral pattern that is noticeable to other people, but I can tell you are not yet aware of.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Pyjamas straight off a hot radiator is a winner. Damn, I’m old.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Boy, are you a piñata? Because I have an overwhelming urge to beat you with a stick.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I want to be in Metallica, and they will not let me.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

There’s no better feeling than coming home and immediately changing into your Adam Sandler fit.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,268

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

Super excited about a brand new day of ignoring my problems.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

Spotted on X:

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Making waves on Threads:

I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

Going viral on X:

I’m in a comfy dress today, but I look like a potato in floral. Call me Nelly Flortato.

Going viral on Twitch:

Twitter is like a psych ward with no staff.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Be the reason someone smiles today. Or blocks you. Whatever.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

Spotted on Threads:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

55 Funny sleeping quotes

More funny sleeping quotes 👇

I’m not well rested. Sleeping Beauty was well rested.

3 months ago

beauty, comparison, fairy, fairy tale, humor, rest, self-deprecation, sleep, sleeping, Sleeping Beauty, tale, tiredness, well
Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

3 months ago

again, alive, catching, ever, glad, humor, i, just, kiss, life, morning, next, person, relationship, sleeping, train, wake, wake up
I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

3 months ago

bunny, checking, Easter, fun, holiday, humor, i, list, making, me, preference, sleeping, surveillance, tradition, twice, watching
True luxury is sleeping until you wake up by yourself.

3 months ago

comfort, freedom, humor, life, luxury, relaxation, self, sleeping, true, wake, waking, yourself
Anyone who doesn’t like me snoring, doesn’t deserve me moaning either.

3 months ago

deserve, honesty, humor, love, me, moaning, relationships, sleeping, snoring
I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

3 months ago

afraid, carry, fear, humor, i, sleeping, someone, steal, wallet, work
Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

3 months ago

40s, adulthood, age, changes, exhaustion, humor, life, life changes, sleeping, tired, welcome
Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

3 months ago

alone, alone time, good, having, humor, peace, rest, schedule, sleeping, sleeping schedule, solitude, talk, talking, time
Sometimes I rock it as a parent, other times I drop my phone on my sleeping child while taking a picture of it. It’s called balance.

3 months ago

balance, child, fails, humor, i, multitasking, parent, parenting, parenting fails, phone, photo, picture, sleeping, times
If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

3 months ago

dog, humor, i, me, order, pet, photos, relationship, restraining, restraining order, sleeping

For even more funny sleeping quotes, hit next 👇

All funny sleeping quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

38 shares on Slack this month:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

Check yourself before you Shrek yourself.

20 shares on Discord this month:

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

This sex could have been an email.

34 shares on X this month:

One of the toughest jobs in parenting is serving the inevitable eviction notice on your kid’s pillow fort.

17 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

11 shares on Instagram this month:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

71 shares on Reddit this month:

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Someone is probably in the worst argument of their life right now. LOL!

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

She was my chai, I was her cake rusk.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Do you also sometimes turn on the TV just so you have background noise or am I weird?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Before cell phones, if you were bored in public, you had to flip a nickel in the air over and over.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

I miss the days when “What’s for dinner” wasn’t my problem.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

There is no sex. I lied. You are gonna lay here and take personality quizzes with me.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

Breaking via Facebook:

My step counter doesn’t judge. For him, steps to the fridge are just as valuable as a walk.

Spotted on TikTok:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

Going viral on TikTok:

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

Breaking via Slack:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

Activity Log ✨

55 Funny sleeping quotes

More funny sleeping quotes 👇

All funny sleeping quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨