Funny stock quotes

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  1 week ago

  Share →: I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

  Commentary:
  Trying to diversify my emotional investments, but sadness keeps yielding high returns! 📉😂🔄

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  3 months ago

  Share →: If you turn your phone upside down, the stock market is actually doing quite well.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew that all it takes to boost the stock market is a simple phone flip? 📱💰 Maybe we should start giving our phones regular headstands to keep those profits rolling in! 🤣📈 #UpsideDownInvesting"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like Germany is really bratwurst-ing in the cheese and sausages department! 🧀🌭 Talk about embracing the Wurst Käse scenario with open arms…or should we say open mouths? 😄 Time to get slicing and dicing those delicious ingredients! Prost! 🇩🇪"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: Just had a salad but it didn’t make me laugh like women in stock photos.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew salad could be so serious? 🥗😆 Maybe it needs some stand-up dressing! Just lettuce know when you want a good chuckle with your greens! 🥬😂"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: I can relate to the stock market because I am always about to crash at a moment’s notice.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, living life on the edge just like the stock market – on the verge of a dramatic crash at any moment! 📉💥 Better keep those seatbelts fastened tight and enjoy the rollercoaster ride of unpredictability! 🎢😂"

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  6 months ago

  Share →: Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

  Commentary:
  "Prevent more idiots with your extensive condom collection – the world thanks you! 🌍🚫🤡 #NoMoreIdiots"

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