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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Imagine applying for a job, then not picking up calls from random numbers.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

The problem with salad is, it’s salad.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than me.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Showing my barber a picture of a dinosaur.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,543

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

Spotted on TikTok:

Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

Going viral on Reddit:

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

Going viral on Slack:

I love when someone texts “hey,” like I’m supposed to solve the rest.

Going viral on Slack:

I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

Live now on Facebook:

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

Seen just now on Instagram:

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

Just landed via Facebook:

Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

Just landed via Instagram:

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

179 Funny travel quotes

More funny travel quotes 👇

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

3 weeks ago

buying, disease, else, everyone, fashion, favorite, humor, interest, making, me, multiple, nostalgia, personal, personal interest, priorities, sh, shopping, spread, time, time travel, travel, wars
Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

3 weeks ago

am, cartoon, celebrate, Christmas, Flintstones, holiday, humor, i, irony, time, time travel, travel, wonder
Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

3 weeks ago

back, benjamin, Benjamin Franklin, franklin, history, humor, inform, invention, stove, technology, time, time travel, travel, wifi
JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

3 weeks ago

airport, frustration, headache, humor, JFK, name, perfect, travel
Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

3 weeks ago

body, bowels, every, except, humor, relax, stress, time, travel, vacation
Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

3 weeks ago

adventure, Friday, friends, kids, new, New Zealand, spontaneity, travel, want, weekend, Zealand
I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

3 weeks ago

celebrity, humor, i, jet, private, private jet, slow, speed, swift, taylor, Taylor Swift, think, travel, understand, wordplay
If you’re in first class on a flight, sometimes they upgrade you to captain.

3 weeks ago

airline, captain, class, first class, flight, humor, joke, travel, upgrade
The fun thing about Airbnb is that you get to clean someone else’s house on your vacation.

3 weeks ago

Airbnb, clean, fun, house, humor, rental, someone, thing, travel, vacation
Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

3 weeks ago

battery, cables, car, friend, friendship, humor, joke, negative, negative friend, next, positive, positive friend, road, road trip, start, take, travel, travel joke, trip

For even more funny travel quotes, hit next 👇

All funny travel quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on WeChat this month:

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Cooking with glasses on is so humiliating. Why did I just get blinded by steam?

10 shares on X this month:

Stop roasting yourself, you’re not a marshmallow.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

Coffee doesn’t even make me feel energized, I just drink it for the love of the game.

46 shares on Reddit this month:

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

68 shares on Discord this month:

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

12 shares on X this month:

I would be more patient if it didn’t take so long.

11 shares on Discord this month:

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Used shampoo containing caffeine. My hair is already on its way to work.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Lego better be trying to cure child cancer with how much their shit cost.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

No crypto for me, thanks, at least not until I figure out how dollars work.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

He’s a 10 but so is his volume.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I can keep my mouth shut, but you can read the subtitles on my face.

Making waves on WeChat:

The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’m an atheist, so if you send prayers, I’ll send thoughts.

Shared recently on X:

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

Spotted on Telegram:

Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

Making waves on Discord:

Hey babe, wanna come over and fold me like a fitted sheet?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The Gulf of Mexico should’ve been renamed to Sea Señor.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

Activity Log ✨

179 Funny travel quotes

More funny travel quotes 👇

All funny travel quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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