107 funny weight quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

May 19, 2026

I wish rage burned calories. I would be so skinny.

May 19, 2026

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

May 18, 2026

It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.

May 18, 2026

Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

May 18, 2026

My only issue with Ozempic is that some of y’all are taking it before considering the fact that you have a naturally large head.

May 18, 2026

Gyms are empty because they’re all on weight loss drugs.

May 6, 2026

Losing weight is basically all about being cold 90% of the time.

Apr 1, 2026

My New Year’s resolution is to be less presumptuous and rude to others. I’ll bet yours is to lose weight, isn’t it?

Apr 1, 2026

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

Apr 1, 2026

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

Apr 1, 2026

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

Apr 1, 2026

The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

Apr 1, 2026

If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

Apr 1, 2026

That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

Mar 31, 2026

When I gain weight, I should get to designate where on my body it goes.

Mar 31, 2026

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

Mar 31, 2026

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

Mar 31, 2026

Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

Mar 31, 2026

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

Mar 31, 2026

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

Mar 31, 2026

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

Mar 31, 2026

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

Mar 31, 2026

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

Mar 31, 2026

Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

Mar 31, 2026

Love those deep burps that instantly make me feel like I lost 10 lbs.

Mar 30, 2026

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

Mar 30, 2026

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

Mar 30, 2026

I’m fat because I’m full of experiences, and most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants.

Mar 30, 2026

Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

Mar 29, 2026

Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

Mar 29, 2026

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

Mar 29, 2026

Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

Mar 29, 2026

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

Mar 29, 2026

Can you lose weight by running away from your feelings?

Mar 29, 2026

How many exercise videos do you have to buy before you get some results?

Mar 29, 2026

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

Mar 29, 2026

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

Mar 29, 2026

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

Mar 29, 2026

A person that weights 200 pounds on Earth weighs 76 pounds on Mars. So I’m not overweight, I’m on the wrong planet.

Mar 28, 2026