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Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

107 Funny weight quotes

Funny weight quotes are the perfect way to lighten up your day and tickle your funny bone πŸ˜‚! Whether you’re battling the scale or embracing those extra fries 🍟, these quotes will add a dose of humor to your fitness journey. Get ready to giggle at waistline woes and laugh off those extra calories, because a smile burns more calories than a frown 😜. Dive into the world of witty weight wisdom and let the laughter begin!

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

The only thing I gained this year is weight.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit any more.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Thinking of telling my extra weight that I love it so that it can leave me too.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, Eat cake.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I like to stay grounded by keeping the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Who needs a weighted blanket when you’ve got the weight of the world?

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Hungry me has no respect for bathroom scale me.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Christmas adverts: β€œEat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: β€œLook at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Losing weight in your 40’s: LOL!

Posted onMay 22, 2026

New year update: losing everything but weight.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Can hardly wait until my winter fat turns into spring rolls.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I suspect that you don’t lose weight during sport because of the exercise, but because you can’t eat anything during this time.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

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