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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

What I lack in moves on the dance floor, I more than make up for in dancing around a conversation.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I feel like waking up early on the weekend is so disrespectful.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Due to personal reasons, I’ve decided to become your problem.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Idea: An app that tells you where that bruise came from.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,628

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Going viral on Facebook:

Santa has the right idea: only visit people once a year, eat a snack, leave early.

Just landed via Snapchat:

There are some websites where my password management strategy is to just hit “Forgot my password” every time I need to log in.

Making waves on X:

Half princess, half menace.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Shared recently on YouTube:

When I learned the word “literally,” that was the beginning of the end.

Trending via Twitch:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

Shared recently on YouTube:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

Breaking via Discord:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Acting like I'm on the verge of normalcy deserves an award or at least a cookie 😂🥳🍪

acting, actually, am, crazy, credit, enough, humor, i, less, personality, self-awareness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

0

2 months ago

attitude, casual, good, humor, know, man, music, music taste, playlist, relaxed, relaxed attitude, sounds, taste
I have thought one billion times about everything.

0

3 months ago

billion, everything, exaggeration, humor, hyperbole, i, overthinking, thinking, thought, times
The only joke my mom ever made was me.

0

2 months ago

ever, family, humor, joke, me, mom, parenting, self-deprecation, wit
The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!

0

2 months ago

app, care, confusion, gardening, helpful, humor, i, much, plant, thanks, too, watered
I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

0

2 months ago

course, delay, humor, i, joke, months, procrastination, six, spontaneity
I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, anxious, caffeine, coffee, edge, feeling, humor, i, morning, morning routine, mug, relief, routine, stress, stress relief, take, think

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on TikTok this month:

Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

67 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When is someone actually going to change the surprise in the avocado? This hard core is kind of a stupid toy.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

20 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

60 shares on Instagram this month:

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

11 shares on Pinterest this month:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

Dads hate stopping on road trips because then all of the vehicles they worked hard to pass for the last hour get back ahead of them.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Today, I want to talk about how people’s houses smell funny, but mine doesn’t.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

A camel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring your own drinks in here!”

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

When they dress up really nice, but all you can think about is the thrill of taking it off.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Thanks to social media, you can now meet weirdos from the comfort of your own home.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

I wonder if the scariest moment ever in history has happened yet.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

Trending via Discord:

The devil couldn’t reach me so he made sure my love life was bullshit.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Imagine you go bowling by yourself and you go sit down, but it’s your turn again.

Breaking via Telegram:

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

Live now on Reddit:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

Going viral on Facebook:

I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

I have thought one billion times about everything.

The only joke my mom ever made was me.

The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨