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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

My life plans are fading like Marty McFly’s family photo.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

I don’t remember if I was 43 or 44 before my birthday, so now I don’t know if I’m 44 or 45. That’s your 40’s.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Neurodivergents will be like, ‘I’m so tired,’ and then refuse to sleep because they haven’t had enough me time after surviving the day.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,634

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

Live now on Discord:

I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

Trending via Messenger:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Trending via Pinterest:

Be the nonsense you wish to see in the world.

Live now on Twitch:

Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

Shared recently on Slack:

I miss when my biggest problem was whether my Happy Meal toy matched the one from the commercial.

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
Acting like I'm on the verge of normalcy deserves an award or at least a cookie 😂🥳🍪

acting, actually, am, crazy, credit, enough, humor, i, less, personality, self-awareness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

1 month ago
coffee, cup, drink, empty, empty cup, funny interaction, guy, humor, i, interaction, IT guy, Java, joke, me, programming, say, show, workplace, workplace humor
Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”

2 weeks ago
daily, daily habit, fine, guy, habit, humor, i, moderation, smoking, think, weed
I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

1 month ago
culture, ear, ghost, Hee-Hee, hope, humor, i, jackson, michael, Michael Jackson, music, pop, pop culture, sleep, spooky
We were supposed to have flying cars and other cool stuff, but instead we have AI videos showing Michael Jackson eat at McDonald’s.

2 months ago
AI, AI video, car, cars, cool, eat, flying, flying car, future, humor, jackson, McDonald’s, michael, Michael Jackson, showing, stuff, technology, video, videos
Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

1 month ago
chaos, children, cleaning, house, humor, north, North Pole, parenting, pole, shoveling, snow, struggle
If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

1 month ago
count, eat, exercise, food, humor, should, sweat, workout

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 50s, where coffee is the new happy hour and mornings are the new hangover.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Group projects in school weren’t meant to teach you teamwork, they were meant to teach you how to deal with the incompetence of your coworkers in the workplace.

Just landed via Facebook:

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

Trending via Discord:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Live now on Reddit:

“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

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Activity Log ✨

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

We were supposed to have flying cars and other cool stuff, but instead we have AI videos showing Michael Jackson eat at McDonald’s.

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

I’ll never salute you, General Settings.

Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

The brand name Oral B is so funny to me. WTF does the B stand for?

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Getting tipsy at a dimly lit restaurant with good conversation would heal me right now.

They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Hansel and Gretel weren’t wrong, every bad decision I’ve ever made started with being hungry.

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

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I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

We were supposed to have flying cars and other cool stuff, but instead we have AI videos showing Michael Jackson eat at McDonald’s.

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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