Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Ugh, but profoundly.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,591

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Just landed via Messenger:

Commenting “humiliation ritual” on a pic of my friend out with his family.

Trending via Slack:

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

Live now on Reddit:

Selfish people are my favorite because you never have to guess their motives.

Making waves on X:

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

Just shared via Twitch:

All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

Going viral on Facebook:

Very disappointed by the symbolism of last night’s dream. Just really obvious, derivative stuff.

Shared recently on Facebook:

“Quit” is not in my vocabulary but “resign”, “drop out”, and “give up” are.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs therapy when you can correct grammar and feel superior for free online? Take that, high prices! 💸💁‍♂️ #GrammarPolice"

correcting, everything, expensive, free, grammar, humor, i, just, know, online, remember, right, still

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

0

2 months ago

bad, chocolate, diet, eating, giving, giving up, humor, month, punctuation, sorry
I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

0

2 months ago

drink, fruit, funny idea, humor, i, idea, mixology, party, summer, think, vodka, watermelon
Nothing ruins an introvert’s day like a 4 p.m. appointment.

0

2 weeks ago

4, 4 p.m., appointment, day, introvert, nothing, p.m., ruin, ruins
A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

0

2 months ago

app, conspiracy, conspiracy theory, dating, dating app, funny idea, humor, idea, interests, match, matchmaker, online, online dating, people, relationship, theory
Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

0

2 months ago

cargo, cargo pocket, closet, everything, humor, left, man, marriage, married, once, over, pocket, relationship, stereotypes, storage, stores, woman
If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

0

2 months ago

confusion, going, humor, i, irony, me, mind, question, self-awareness, thinking, unexpected

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

22 shares on X this month:

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

55 shares on Telegram this month:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

When I say “I hate drama”, I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people’s drama? Big fan!

85 shares on TikTok this month:

“I read 20 books this year!” That’s nothing. I read 50,000 tweets.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

51 shares on YouTube this month:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

44 shares on Threads this month:

My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Some hoodies don’t hoodie the way other hoodies hoodie.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I wish laying in bed all day made me rich.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Cataclysmic events, such as your fingers on my skin.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

My favorite thing to do is nothing, with no one.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

Love when people summon Grok and there’s no reply. He just doesn’t care sometimes.

Just shared via Threads:

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

Trending via Messenger:

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

Spotted on Telegram:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

Just shared via X:

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

Seen just now on Messenger:

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Breaking via Twitch:

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Helvetica is my favorite font that sounds like a heavy metal band.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

Nothing ruins an introvert’s day like a 4 p.m. appointment.

A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨