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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Pretty girls don’t compete. We sit pretty, count blessings, and ignore weird energy.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Nobody supports you like that one internet friend you’ve never met.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Nobody plays better together than siblings being told it’s bedtime.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.

Just landed via YouTube:

My New Year’s resolution is to be less presumptuous and rude to others. I’ll bet yours is to lose weight, isn’t it?

Spotted on WeChat:

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

Seen just now on Instagram:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Just landed via TikTok:

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

Going bananas on Instagram:

Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

It’s not ‘drinking alone’ if you’re at work.

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

3 weeks ago

Funny quote about how living by "life is short" hurts your bank account.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like my wallet is on a permanent diet! 🤑💸 #YOLOgonewrong"

account, advice, bank, financial, financial humor, humor, i, joke, life, life advice, life motto, living, money, motto, need, short, spending, stop, words

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Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

41 shares on Twitch this month:

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just seen a guy with a Coca-Cola and yellow Lay’s chips. Classic combo, he knows his stuff.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

14 shares on X this month:

It’s like my wish isn’t even your command anymore…

77 shares on Telegram this month:

Relationships are only serious when photos are posted by a man.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

If you’re a dude and you’re having a bad day, just remember, no one cares.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

We used to burn CDs like we were running an underground record label.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Getting accused of using AI when you didn’t is like this century’s version of a witch allegation.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

“I’m so grateful that so many things are none of my business.”

Live now on Twitch:

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

Trending via Messenger:

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

Spotted on Twitch:

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

Going viral on X:

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

Just landed via Messenger:

What are some beginner pieces of information for somebody just getting into knowledge?

Going viral on Slack:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have to second guess your age as you can’t believe you’re that old.

Just shared via Instagram:

A hot tub is basically a big bowl of human soup.

Shared recently on Instagram:

“Get a life!” Have you seen some of the lives out there?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

A cheat code to adulting is to always have something to look forward to, no matter how small or big.

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

I’m optimistic, in a pessimistic way.

My favorite thing to do is nothing, with no one.

Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

Keep the laugh going 😂

A cheat code to adulting is to always have something to look forward to, no matter how small or big.

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

Startup idea: Instagram, but it only shows you posts from people you follow, and they’re in chronological order.

I’m optimistic, in a pessimistic way.

My favorite thing to do is nothing, with no one.

Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨