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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

It’s strange being the same age as old people.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

The children seemed disappointed when I told them the best part about being an adult is going to bed early.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Dress for the demons you want, not the demons you have.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

The empty side of your bed is for books and chocolate, not for liars who snore.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,279

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

They should invent a way to delete other people’s posts.

Trending via Threads:

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

Spotted on YouTube:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

Just landed via Facebook:

Genuinely, why does the logo of every AI chatbot look like a butthole?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

“AI is coming for your job.” Yeah, I’d like to see AI drink 11 coffees, then have a panic attack.

Making waves on Discord:

Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

Just landed via Instagram:

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

Trending via Instagram:

Preparing for the apocalypse by becoming fluent in zombie.

I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Honestly, I'm ready for politicians to say, 'The oracle has spoken!' instead of 'The polls have spoken.' 🧙‍♂️🔮🤣"

ancient, fulfillment, humor, i, modern, politics, prophecy, satire, stop, trying, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

0

2 months ago

achievement, broke, consecutive, days, humor, i, life, most, personal, record, today
Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

0

2 months ago

comparison, errors, haystack, humor, life, longer, modern, modern life, needle, people, search, spreadsheet, technology, work
“You’re always sleeping!” God forbid a girl wants to be unconscious.

0

1 week ago

always, complaint, forbid, girl, God, humor, sleep, sleeping, unconscious, wants
We need a word for that weird feeling you get when you learn what a podcaster looks like.

0

2 months ago

appearance, feeling, humor, learn, learning, looks, need, podcaster, reaction, surprise, weird, weird feeling, word
People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

0

2 months ago

before, breakfast, cook, cooking, going, humor, mature, maturity, me, morning, morning routine, people, routine, too, work
Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

0

2 months ago

being, enjoying, here, humor, i, last, late, management, minutes, not being, procrastination, sorry, time, time management

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

38 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m sick of blessings in disguise. I am ready for a blessing with absolutely no disguise whatsoever.

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Phone is a cigarette for eyes.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

25 shares on Facebook this month:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

70 shares on TikTok this month:

Ever since I was young, I wanted to check my email for a verification code.

22 shares on Reddit this month:

Gen Z will be like “OMG new life hack!” and then it’s a video of them adjusting the toaster dial.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

34 shares on Messenger this month:

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Many men also have a walk-in closet. For them, it’s just called a floor.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Not to brag but I gave someone directions and he made it.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Helvetica is my favorite font that sounds like a heavy metal band.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Bro, you gotta try this high-protein Caesar salad, cold brew, air fryer, overnight oats recipe I found on Instagram.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

With me, it isn’t Netflix & chill. It’s Prime & panic.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Live now on Slack:

Leggings: elegant for some, elephant for others.

Spotted on X:

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

Spotted on WeChat:

Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

Just shared via WeChat:

My ex had this fetish where he would dress up in his own clothes and act like an idiot.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

In the 90s, you’d always find your way to some stranger’s house.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Just landed via X:

Cake hits so much harder off a plastic fork.

Making waves on Telegram:

Just emerged from my Y2K bunker. Everybody okay?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

“You’re always sleeping!” God forbid a girl wants to be unconscious.

We need a word for that weird feeling you get when you learn what a podcaster looks like.

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨