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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Whenever I’m willing to sell my soul, there’s usually food involved.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

I generally don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m really good at it.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Musk goes “exactly,” and it’s the stupidest tweet you’ve ever read in your entire life.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

The problem with “treat yourself” is that I don’t know how to stop. I had a bad day in March, and I’ve been treating myself ever since.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

The only sunscreen that’s 100% effective is abstinence.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Party rock is in the mouse tonighttt, piece of cheese I’m gonna take a big biteee.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,599

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

Just landed via Facebook:

You can just comment, “You two look nice,” on a photo of three people. It’s free and legal.

Live now on TikTok:

Out of sheer boredom, I opened the front door and rang the doorbell. I was so happy.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Toxic girlfriend who goes through her boyfriend’s calculator app and asks why he’s doing the equations he’s doing.

Just landed via YouTube:

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

Going bananas on Slack:

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Just landed via Threads:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Spotted on Reddit:

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

3 months ago

Funny Quotes

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Commentary:
"Honestly, I'm ready for politicians to say, 'The oracle has spoken!' instead of 'The polls have spoken.' 🧙‍♂️🔮🤣"

ancient, fulfillment, humor, i, modern, politics, prophecy, satire, stop, trying, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

20 hours ago

care, comedy, ever, frustration, good, humor, interaction, nobody, nobody care, shake, social, social interaction, somebody, whisper
I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

3 months ago

annoyance, button, buttons, communication, etiquette, everyday, everyday life, humor, i, life, mute, mute button, people, real, sarcasm, social, social etiquette, wish
Just took a nap in jeans. No one will ever understand the darkness that lurks inside me.

2 weeks ago

darkness, ever, fashion, humor, inside, jeans, just, me, mood, nap, personal, personal struggle, sarcasm, sleep, struggle, understand
Doing dry January, so I’ve had eleven Diet Cokes at this bar.

3 weeks ago

bar, coke, diet, Diet Coke, doing, drinking, dry, Dry January, humor, January, joke, mocktail, sobriety, soda
Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

2 days ago

alone, alone time, bed, comfort, cool, ever, humor, king, king size bed, personal, personal space, relatable, self-care, sex, size, space, time, yourself
Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

1 week ago

asbestos, doing, effort, humor, i, joke, play, play on words, pun, wordplay, words

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Messenger this month:

The voodoo magic of a tranquil night’s sleep

82 shares on Twitch this month:

If a door closes, I’m just going to open it again.

65 shares on Threads this month:

All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

I know I just ate a snack, but I could really use a snack.

24 shares on WeChat this month:

Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

83 shares on Discord this month:

If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

16 shares on YouTube this month:

That thing they say about getting drunk with the love of your life in a walkable city is no joke. It hits like crack.

35 shares on Snapchat this month:

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Accidentally wore a blue shirt to Walmart and now I’m in the stockroom showing Sue how to use the forklift.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Roses are red. Let’s get some fresh air. Make love in the moonlight. Have a pregnancy scare.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Today, I’m going to give it my almost.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

They should invent friends whose schedules line up with yours.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

Just landed via Threads:

Excuse me sir, are you going to finish that existential crisis?

Breaking via WeChat:

Britney Spears working at an ice-cream shop called ‘Scoops, I did it again.’

Just shared via YouTube:

If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!

Just shared via X:

I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.

Breaking via Messenger:

“I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong.

Going bananas on YouTube:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

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Activity Log ✨

I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

Just took a nap in jeans. No one will ever understand the darkness that lurks inside me.

Doing dry January, so I’ve had eleven Diet Cokes at this bar.

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨