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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

God doesn’t do nearly enough smiting anymore.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

A beautiful woman should never have to send an email. Yet, such tragedies occur every day.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Rock bottom ain’t even that bad of a place to be if you’re into collecting rocks.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

People who read and research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

The way I see it, eating chips while I wait for my pizza to arrive is no different than ordering a starter in a restaurant.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I didn’t mean to mimic your voice, I just had to know what it felt like to sound like that.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

SHEIN does entirely too much on their app. Feels like a freaking casino every time you open it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,771

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

December you will be good to me (threateningly).

Seen just now on Messenger:

But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

Live now on Twitch:

I am thick and tired.

Live now on Slack:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

Just landed via WeChat:

“Cut my life into pieces” screamed the earthworm and threw itself in front of my spade.

Going viral on Discord:

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Calling women “bro” to make sure they know they’re in the deepest trenches of the friend zone.

Just landed via Reddit:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again because I have a terrible memory.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Feeling lonely? Just glue a coffee cup to the roof of your car. Everyone will wave to you.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

1 month ago

Playful quote about friendship and identity with witty humor.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the classic case of "If you can't find a Matt, you're the Matt" situation! 🤔 It's like the universe's way of saying, "Hey, buddy, where's your Matt at?" 😅 Just remember, if you find yourself surrounded by non-Matts, well, you might just have to embrace your inner Mattness! 🧑🏻‍💼 #MattMystery

circle, friend, humor, identity, joke, Matt, social, social circle, white, white friend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on Messenger this month:

My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

You don’t know about stupidity until your female friends open up about their love life.

42 shares on Discord this month:

Living solo: where pants are optional, and snacks are unlimited.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

Lately life has been all panic no disco.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little f***ing paperwork.

46 shares on Telegram this month:

“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Rock bottom should give me free sandwich and coffee for how often I hit it.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Men, why do you still have the boxes your electronics came in?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

This whole week could have been an email.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think people are actually getting any dumber. I think stupid people have just become way more confident.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,386

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Noise cancelling headphones but for when the noises are coming from inside your head.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Fun prank: make people study for 16 years, and then don’t give them jobs.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Remember: no matter what anyone else thinks of you, it’s how you delude yourself that matters.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Just landed via Slack:

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

Shared recently on Threads:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Someone called me strict today, and that means a lot to me because I’m a recovering people pleaser.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Making waves on WeChat:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

Shared recently on Discord:

Welcome to your 40s. Your bra wins the Oscar for the best actor in a supportive role.

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