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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Even wild things have slow mornings.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

No show does a misunderstanding / miscommunication plot better than Modern Family does.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Spotted on Messenger:

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Being rich is going to look so cute on me.

Making waves on Discord:

Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

Just landed via Instagram:

I still haven’t heard one good argument why I should stop believing in Santa.

Seen just now on Slack:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

Just landed via Telegram:

What do you mean I overthink things (as I wonder if I hurt my dog’s feelings by liking cat videos on Instagram)?

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

Spotted on Slack:

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

I’m a fully functional adult with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When coffee acts like a bear tased with sleep darts… 🐻☕️💤

adult, bear, energy, energy level, exhaustion, functional, hibernation, humor, level, levels, self-deprecation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

0

2 months ago

breakfast, eats, every, fitness, goal, grapefruit, half, happiness, happy, health, humor, i, irony, kind, lifestyle, morning, motivation, person, runs, self-improvement, want
Working on a laptop outside is an abysmal experience.

0

4 months ago

experience, humor, laptop, outdoors, outside, working
For someone who loves to sleep so much, you’d think I’d go to bed earlier.

0

2 months ago

bed, bedtime, earlier, humor, humor quote, ID, irony, laziness, much, night, night owl, owl, procrastination, sleep, someone, think
People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

0

2 months ago

bravery, courage, day, hero, humor, nap, naps, people, real, sleep, take, twice, wake, wake up
Girls ask for help to open a jar, but can throw a couch during an argument.

0

2 months ago

argument, ask, contradiction, couch, girl, girls, help, humor, jar, open, relationship, strength, throw
Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

0

2 months ago

anyone, appreciate, attitude, being, fails, fun, humor, i, i told you so, joy, optimism, pessimism, pessimist, sarcasm, saying, told

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Discord this month:

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

56 shares on Threads this month:

Crazy to think the average Zoomer male just works, watches porn, and plays video games. That’s it. That’s their whole life.

47 shares on X this month:

The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

46 shares on Instagram this month:

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

Breakfast in bed: cute in theory, gross in practice.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

“Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” and then flipped the light on without asking.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

The devil couldn’t reach me so he made sure my love life was bullshit.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Everybody boo’d up, and I’m getting treated like celery on a hot wing plate.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

I have determined there is no quiet way to get a pan out of a cabinet in the morning.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

You will give your period 50 acres of prime pad, and it will still choose to encroach on your underwear.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says “Smell this,” it usually smells nice.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

“Get a life!” Have you seen some of the lives out there?

Spotted on Twitch:

Don’t really want to have 6-8 pints and a takeaway tonight, but it’s Friday and rules are rules.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Freshly posted on X:

I miss when we didn’t know what celebrities thought about anything.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

Trending via TikTok:

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

A poorly timed two-factor authentication request will be the thing that finally kills me.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Dropped my skinny boyfriend between the bed and the wall like a vape or a TV remote.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m a fully functional adult with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

Working on a laptop outside is an abysmal experience.

For someone who loves to sleep so much, you’d think I’d go to bed earlier.

People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

Girls ask for help to open a jar, but can throw a couch during an argument.

Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨