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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Actually, you’re having a conversation with yourself. I’m just here so you don’t appear totally insane.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Selfish people are my favorite because you never have to guess their motives.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Maybe women decided to convince men that beards were sexy because they were sick of cleaning the washbasin after he shaved.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Whoever has designed parking garages is either an architectural genius or an evil sadist.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,588

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

One year closer to whatever age my obituary will say.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Printers and computers treat each other like they broke up the night before, and you’re their mutual friend.

Breaking via Telegram:

Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

Just shared via X:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

Making waves on Threads:

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

Seen just now on Threads:

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

Going bananas on Facebook:

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

Going viral on Twitch:

I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.

Trending via Messenger:

There is always enough for the needy, there is never enough for the greedy.

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess we're all living in the sequel that never got made! 🌍😄☀️

age, apocalypse, change, climate, climate change, disaster, enough, environmental, environmental joke, exaggeration, hole, humor, joke, killed, layer, memory, old, old age, ozone, ozone layer, remember, survival, us

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

0

2 months ago

dating, expectations, falling, finding, humor, imagine, irony, love, me, relationship, slow, slow walker, walker
Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

0

2 months ago

camera, criminal, everyday, everyday life, humor, life, looks, observation, self-checkout, shoplifting, surveillance, technology
Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

0

2 months ago

consistency, humor, i, last, love, relationship, single, Valentine, year
Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

0

2 months ago

asking, conversation, evening, fart, friend, humor, joking, social
In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

0

2 months ago

animals, ever, going, home, humor, i, life, longing, nostalgia, pigeon, previous, previous life, think, travel
You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, cost, dental, dental visit, dentist, expenses, fear, humor, know, mature, maturity, pain, visit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

The best part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work. The worst part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

Girls ask for help to open a jar, but can throw a couch during an argument.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

One day you burned a CD for the last time and didn’t even realize it.

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

97 shares on Messenger this month:

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

22 shares on Reddit this month:

What must a pancake think when it’s being flipped? Doubtless something jolly.

27 shares on Twitch this month:

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

18 shares on Threads this month:

I can’t take people who pronounce “gnocchi” correctly seriously.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and ask for water.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Spotted on Instagram:

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

Making waves on Threads:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Wolves should really raise more people.

Just landed via Twitch:

The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.

Trending via Messenger:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Making waves on Twitch:

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

Making waves on Reddit:

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

Just landed via Telegram:

Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

Just landed via Pinterest:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨