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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Nothing more dangerous than an ignorant man who thinks he is a genius.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Imagine being social on social media.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Messages are way funnier when you know how that person talks.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

His voice was like whiskey. Smooth with a slow burn that lit me up from the inside.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want. And yet, here I am just doing laundry, eating salads, taking antidepressants, flossing my teeth, and going on little walks. Like an IDIOT.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Establish dominance over your children by whining louder.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I still haven’t heard one good argument why I should stop believing in Santa.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,416

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

Going bananas on Reddit:

Later is the best time to do anything.

Spotted on YouTube:

We got our carpet cleaned today, so I’m just waiting for the dog to throw up.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

Trending via Slack:

Friendship is when you don’t tidy up before visitors arrive.

Making waves on Reddit:

I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

Spotted on Messenger:

Never underestimate the healing power of a grilled cheese sandwich.

Just shared via Slack:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Just landed via Threads:

As an outsider, what’s your view on intelligence?

Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

2 weeks ago

Humorous text imagining the oddity of working in a corporate office at Pornhub.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like a job where "debugging" takes on a whole new meaning! 🖥️🤯🍑

adult, adult industry, collar, corporate, corporate office, developer, humor, imagine, industry, job, office, office job, Pornhub, weird, weird job, whatever, white, white collar, working, workplace, workplace humor

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Threads this month:

Rappers be making you feel guilty for no reason at all: “You was in the house eating dinner while I was in the streets hungry”. Like my fault, bro.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

Psychiatry is crazy because they’re just like… Oh, you’re really depressed? Would being on a pill that makes you fat help?

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

24 shares on Instagram this month:

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

58 shares on Reddit this month:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

88 shares on Slack this month:

I was born tired, and I will die tired. If I ever tell you I’m not tired, I’m probably lying.

46 shares on Threads this month:

If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

58 shares on Discord this month:

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

This year has been the perfect blend between me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Your posts make me wish I could forget how to read.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,269

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

We are all just prisoners here of our phone device.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

With great power comes the absolute certainty that you’ll turn into a right douche.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Getting your hair washed by someone else is one of life’s greatest joys no one really speaks about often.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

I hate it when my AirPods die instead of me.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Yeah, bro, she’s probably just not using her phone right now, for the first time ever in her whole life.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you lost was a normal pigeon.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

At first, big breasts were attractive, then suddenly it was big butts. I’m waiting for it to finally be big bellies.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

Trending via Snapchat:

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.

Making waves on Twitch:

The only Spanish I know is buenas noches, which means bonus nachos – like finding forgotten tortilla chips in your cargo shorts.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Put my height in bio. Hope it lands me a girlfriend.

Going bananas on X:

Dude, we’re gonna be treating others how we want to be treated later if you wanna pull up.

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