Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Twitter is an abusement park.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Thinking of starting a club for people who don’t like to leave their house. There are no meetings.