Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Looks like even the Son of God isn't exempt from budget constraints! 💸🎂 Maybe Jesus prefers a potluck party with loaves and fishes? 🐟🍞"

birthday, celebration, fun, i, Jesus, money, need, organize

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

0

5 months ago

alone, days, else, everyone, getaway, house, humor, i, kind, myself, need, relaxation, solitude, vacation, where
If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

0

2 months ago

aging, car, cd, colonoscopy, health, humor, joke, life, life joke, medical, medical joke, original, protection, schedule, technology, time
I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

0

2 months ago

comment, comments, expression, frustration, humor, i, reaction, throw, tomato, wish
I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

0

2 months ago

everything, happiness, happy, i, life, need, person, simple, simple person, want, work
The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

0

2 months ago

always, hour, hours, humor, Monday, time, weekend, work, worst
I would like even faster food.

0

2 months ago

convenience, craving, even, fast, fast food, faster, food, humor, i, joke

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on TikTok this month:

Cool times create cool guys.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

27 shares on X this month:

Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

99 shares on Instagram this month:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

22 shares on Slack this month:

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

44 shares on Discord this month:

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

I wish I could put an AirTag on my sanity.

71 shares on Threads this month:

Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

25 shares on Discord this month:

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

I need a day off from myself.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

It’s like ten thousand views when all you need is a like.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Social media can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My favorite delusion is that I just need to get through this week.

Going viral on Threads:

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

Trending via Threads:

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

Trending via Facebook:

Men will ruin your whole life and come back and like your Instagram story.

Just landed via X:

I didn’t expect to have such strong feelings when the subtitles said “smooching” while the actors were kissing.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Every morning I regret why I didn’t sleep earlier the night before.

Just shared via Facebook:

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

Making waves on Slack:

Silently hoping for a comet to strike, to get out of today’s responsibilities.

Making waves on YouTube:

Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

Spotted on Messenger:

Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

I would like even faster food.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨