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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I once made a joke to a coworker, and she said, “It was the funniest thing I ever said,” and suggested I post it. It got 10 likes.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Adulting in 3 words: it’s always something.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Trying to explain that I’m fascinated by Japan for wood joinery reasons and not nerd or pervert reasons.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Everyone thinks they’re brave right up until a goose starts chasing them.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. I love these!

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I stay up late every night, regret it in the morning, and the next day I do it all over again.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,494

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

Going viral on Reddit:

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

Making waves on Slack:

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

Trending via Messenger:

If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I will marry a tall, masculine, lovey-dovey man who can’t breathe when I ignore his existence.

Just landed via Slack:

Instagram should let you extend the run of one story for another 24 hours if the intended target didn’t see it.

Going viral on Messenger:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to flirt today.

Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

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Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like even the Son of God isn't exempt from budget constraints! 💸🎂 Maybe Jesus prefers a potluck party with loaves and fishes? 🐟🍞"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on X this month:

I love routine. Until I’m bored, then I love excitement. Until I’m overwhelmed, then I love routine.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

78 shares on Slack this month:

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I were Noah, I’d bring three of every animal just to create some drama.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

No, I don’t want to read the article first, I want to argue now.

73 shares on Threads this month:

It’s amazing how so many people can rave about Star Wars or Star Trek and at the same time make sure that the only realistic future prospect is Mad Max.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I didn’t buy that thing I wanted but didn’t need, so I celebrated by buying a different thing I wanted but didn’t need.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

My hobbies include going home, wishing I was at home, and being at home.

78 shares on Slack this month:

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I admire how, when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope this email blows your head smoove off.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m old enough to remember when regular websites were usable.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,431

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

I have a huge to-do list, I just have to figure out who’s gonna do it.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Lego bricks are classic educational toys. You step on them once and you can do ballet.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I have determined there is no quiet way to get a pan out of a cabinet in the morning.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

Going bananas on Slack:

I would like even faster food.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here plucking chin hairs.

Just landed via Slack:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Going bananas on Slack:

Every day, I’m gaslit into oblivion by beautiful women, and then I go to sleep.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Stealing hoodies is for amateurs. Steal his car like a real woman.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

Just shared via Slack:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

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