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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

I highly recommend getting yourself a “How can I help” partner and not a “You will be fine” partner.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Some people are wise, some folks are otherwise.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Going out on Friday night will always be better than going out on a Saturday night.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

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14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

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3,703

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Has anyone seen my invisibility cloak?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

Making waves on Slack:

Back in my day, if you were 14 on the internet, you kept that to yourself.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love Island”

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The worst part about re-watching Home Alone is you just know Kevin’s parents bought this house for like $250K.

Just landed via Facebook:

I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

Just seen a guy with a Coca-Cola and yellow Lay’s chips. Classic combo, he knows his stuff.

4 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Level up your snack game! That guy's obviously a taste bud sensei 🍟🥤😂

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

1 month ago
assume, devil, humor, i, irony, sold, soul, soulmate, supernatural
Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

2 months ago
bigger, business, congrats, deadline, even, fired, firing, hitting, humor, missing, number, numbers, performance, pressure, q3, Q3 number, q4, Q4 number, work
I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

2 days ago
common, dance-off, expectation, going, humor, i, impromptu, interaction, social, social interaction, thought
It’s a beautiful morning. Lots of people out walking their phones.

1 month ago
beautiful, humor, morning, observation, people, phone, phones, technology, walking
Babe, would it kill you to meow back?

1 month ago
babe, back, cat, communication, humor, kill, meow, partner, pet, pet humor, playful, relationship
Deleted all dating apps, instead I’m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

1 month ago
app, apps, awkward, awkward moment, confused, confusion, date, dating, dating app, deleted, going, grocery, grocery store, humor, interaction, just, life, moment, shopping, single, single life, social, social interaction, store, walk

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

For my birthday, I want everyone to tell me how much they love me and why in immense detail.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

They’re making me do work at work.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

Live now on YouTube:

How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Oh no, we don’t go in there. That room belongs to the spiders.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Limiting my replies to introverts, wizards, freaks and vampires only.

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Activity Log ✨

Just seen a guy with a Coca-Cola and yellow Lay’s chips. Classic combo, he knows his stuff.

I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

It’s a beautiful morning. Lots of people out walking their phones.

Babe, would it kill you to meow back?

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

The guy who drills the holes so you can assemble IKEA furniture is clearly having problems at home.

I march to the beat of my own dumb.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

Is this simulation from Temu?

Late replies don’t bother me. As long as we’re not in love, or you don’t owe me money, take your time.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

All the fruit flies are well-behaved near the garbage, only one is constantly nagging somewhere else because it thinks it has to discover new lands.

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Many men also have a walk-in closet. For them, it’s just called a floor.

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

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Just seen a guy with a Coca-Cola and yellow Lay’s chips. Classic combo, he knows his stuff.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

It’s a beautiful morning. Lots of people out walking their phones.

Babe, would it kill you to meow back?

Deleted all dating apps, instead I’m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

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